It’s worth noting that leaving an unhealthy relationship—especially one that may involve abuse—is rarely as simple as leaving. People can get stuck in these environments for a variety of reasons, ranging from emotional (such as shame or family cohesion) to practical (such as financial dependence). There’s also the very real fear of escalation: “Abuse is about power and control,” said Arlene Vassell, vice president of Programs, Prevention and Social Change. The National Resource Center for Domestic Violenceearlier said SELF. “And if (the abuser) feels like they’re losing control, the violence can escalate.”
While we don’t know what really happened – or is happening – between Paul and Mortensen, one thing is clear: the ripple effects go beyond the two of them: the rest of MomTok can feel it, too. “It’s hard to support (Paul) when he’s doing the same thing over and over again that he says he doesn’t want to do,” his Mormon wife Mayci says in the new season five episode. Co-star Mikayla Matthews apparently confirmed the show’s hiatus in an Instagram story on March 19, writing that “it was a decision all of us girls came up with and agreed with.”
Many of us know this difficult situation all too well: being a friend on the sidelines during every on and off period. You go through countless rants, help formulate the “I deserve better” messages, and then silently watch the pattern repeat itself.
“It’s a pretty obscure perspective that we don’t talk about enough,” one woman, who asked to remain anonymous, tells SELF. She recounts dozens of attempts at intervention and heart-to-hearts with her former best friend, only to be accused of “peer pressure,” branded a “hater” and dismissed as “snug” about a relationship. technically none of his business. “I understand that people get hurt toxic dynamicsbut we also need to talk about the friends who are disrespected in the meantime.”
Of course, there’s an argument that good friends will (and should!) support you through the highs and lows, so we politely nod when our pals say “this time is different” and a gentle, “I just want you to be happy” instead of telling the hard truth.
But the expectation to put the friendship first and “just support” ignores the other part of the equation: the drudgery of playing the assigned therapist over and over again—an exhausting déjà vu the Miami-based clinical psychologist experiences. Christie Ferrari, PhDhe calls it “compassion fatigue.”
