Just because you’re sensitive, you don’t have to let anyone take advantage of you.
Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) feel the world deeply. Many are spiritual, most are introverts, and everyone needs a lot of downtime to recharge. (Are you a highly sensitive person? Know the signs here.)
But we live in a materialistic, productivity-obsessed culture that isn’t always ideal for HSPs. Alert and perceptive qualities often don’t get the credit they deserve. As a result, sensitivity equates – unfairly – with having nothing to say. And worst of all, kindness is often seen as weakness.
Many HSPs are taken advantage of and often feel undervalued, misunderstood, or isolated. Under these circumstances, it is tempting and oh so easy to decide that the world has wronged you and retreat into a web of self-pity. But like Star Wars Fans know: “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.” This is one wasting your gifts to shut down due to fear of failure and rejection.
Yes, being an HSP can be challenging, but we are quietly strong. And this power does not mean that you suppress your emotions and suffocate your sensitivity. That’s why it’s important to learn what I like to call “HSP Self-Defense” to avoid falling into the HSP victim trap. Here are seven methods that have helped me.
Like what you’re reading? Get our newsletter for HSPs. An email every Friday. Click here to sign up!
7 Tips for HSP “Self Defense”
1. Learn all about HSP.
The first step in self-defense is self-knowledge and self-evaluation. Being very sensitive is not always easy, but it’s a superpower. (Do you know any superheroes who have an easy life? Me neither.)
We notice more than the average person. Super power! We have a built-in crap detector. Super power! we are creatorintuitive and emotionally intelligent. Superpower, superpower, superpower!
Thanks to our gifts HSPs are natural born leadersartists and healers. The more you learn about how sensitive he is, the more you realize that what some ‘Muggles’ perceive as weakness it actually lifts your legs! Keep working your strengths and honor as an HSP for your needs. You will be stronger and happier.
2. Don’t be an “emotional garbage man.”
HSPs are deeply empathetic, and some are down-to-earth empaths. This means being able to accept other people’s emotions and perceive their needs. This ability (hey, super power there!) often makes us people-pleasers and even martyrs at times because we crave an atmosphere of peace and harmony.
But what do you think? Just because you sense people’s needs doesn’t mean you have to satisfy them! Yes, really! Solve the savior complex. You are not everyone’s support system/life coach/therapist. You have your own things.
It’s not selfishness, it’s refusing to be a cesspool for other people’s emotions and allowing it so-called energy vampires vacuum dry. If you’re constantly trying to live up to everyone’s expectations (and who wouldn’t!) and you’re constantly getting down on other people’s bad moods, it’s time for something serious. “mental self-defense.” Dig deep, focus on yourself, and make a conscious decision to no longer be available for everyone’s emotional needs.
3. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries
Speaking of being available, your self-esteem and mental health will benefit immensely once you do start setting boundaries. You need to treat your mental health as sacred if you want a good quality of life. Protect it at all costs.
Your time and energy are your most valuable resources – spend them wisely. Family and close friends, people who respect you and are there for you when you need them, should come first. Don’t “get sucked into” random people’s drama. And keep people who drain you at arm’s length, even if they’re family members.
If someone ends up taking advantage of your kindness, start saying no. They won’t get better, but you will only get worse. Any close relationship should be empowering for both parties. If someone wears you down with constant neediness or negativity, it’s time to take a step back and examine the balance of giving and taking. It might be a good idea to distance yourself. Remember, this is not selfishness, this is self-defense! Save energy for the right people. If you can’t completely turn your back on someone, choose to start loving from a (physical and emotional) distance.
4. As Mr. Rogers said, “Look for the helpers.”
For sensitive souls, many sad and cruel events in the world can be a source of great anxiety. Unfortunately, in many cases there is nothing you can do, but it doesn’t help anyone if you carry the weight of the world. So should you turn the cold shoulder instead? Of course not (we HSPs can’t anyway).
There is a healthy alternative to emotional disintegration or closure of the heart. You can take back your power by getting active where you can really make a difference. Define your area of responsibility and then focus on it. For example: You may not be able to help the street dogs in India, but what you can do is volunteer at your local shelter and help the animals in your area. This will be your responsibility. This is what you can do.
You can’t avoid being saddened by suffering, but you don’t have to dwell on it either. Focus on what you can do.
Need to soothe your sensitive nervous system?
HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload, and stress—and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you finally felt at ease?
This is what you will find in it this effective online course Julie Bjelland, one of the best HSP therapists in the world. You will learn to turn off racing thoughts, end emotional flooding, eliminate sensory overload, and finally make room for your sensitive gifts to shine.
Stop feeling held back and start believing that you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making changes today. Click here for more information.
5. Know where your responsibility begins and ends.
Because HSPs are great helpers, we can take advantage of ourselves. When this happens, it’s important to remember that kindness is a strength, not a weakness. It’s not your fault if someone treats you badly. You are not responsible for their actions. However, your reactions are your responsibility.
Do you allow them to make you bitter and angry? Would you let them fool you twice? Or are you able to admit that a certain person is not worthy of your kindness and move on? Acknowledging what is your responsibility and what is not, gives you power back in any social interaction.
If you’re just being helpful and friendly, but your coworker is still grumpy, that’s their problem, not yours. Keep a positive attitude, but don’t waste time feeling responsible for their bad mood and trying to “fix” it.
6. Manage your emotions.
Deeply experiencing emotions is a strength, but that doesn’t mean you can be emotional all the time. Crying in the cinema is fine; however, crying at work is not (always) so much. In some settings, it’s a good idea to maintain a little poker face. You can still acknowledge your feelings without sharing them with everyone around you. Strong emotional reactions do not make you weak, but they are also a strength if you learn how and when to control your outbursts.
Identify and process your emotions in a constructive way. Let’s say you’re upset by your boss’s insensitive comment. Instead of crying, try to analyze the comment. Why does it annoy you? Is it because your boss seems to be giving you a bad impression? Can you do anything to correct this impression? Or is your boss simply stressed out by something beyond your control and the comment really had nothing to do with you?
Also, learn to distinguish where the emotional overload is coming from. Situational or permanent? Are you momentarily overwhelmed because you need to get away from stimuli like noises and people (and all their “stuff”), or is it more serious? Hypersensitivity is not a mental illness, but it can often be accompanied by anxiety or depression. In this case, you are not “too sensitive”, but you may need to seek professional help to get back on your feet.
7. Connect with other HSPs
Feeling misunderstood is a problem for many HSPs. People who share our traits and are on the same wavelength make us feel understood and empowered. There is strength in representation! Many HSPs are drawn to the arts, spirituality, or helping those in need. Any related organization is a good starting point for finding kindred spirits. Find your tribe, even if it’s just that online. Let the sense of community and belonging lift you up.
As you learn to build self-density as an HSP, there will be ups and downs. Please remember that strength should never mean suppressing your emotions, pretending to be someone you’re not, and killing your sensitivity.
This means you can learn more about yourself, your needs and your worth. This means tapping into your sensitivity when it comes to serving you (not just others). It means saying “no” when you have to. Life is rarely fair and the world is not always a friendly place. Being a strong HSP means staying kind and seeing the beauty in the world, but making sure to protect the precious gift we all have. The world would be a sad place without him.
