Men and women are likely to be very sensitive. Why do HSP men look – and behave – so differently?
A defining characteristic of many highly sensitive people (HSPs) is that we actively observe the people around us – the way they speak, body languagename it. As an HSP male, I am no different. I am fortunate to have a diverse social circle filled with people whose personalities differ in every possible dimension.
Regardless, I only know a few men and women who they show high sensitivity properties similar to me. This makes statistical sense, considering that not a large part of the population is very sensitive – close to 30 percent. But even though my HSP friends are pretty similar in many ways, I can’t help but notice that we differ from HSP women in several important ways.
Like what you’re reading? Get our newsletter for HSPs. An email every Friday. Click here to sign up!
4 ways highly sensitive men differ from highly sensitive women
1. We are more careful in expressing our feelings.
Society has historically frowned upon men who show outward emotionsand this norm has been reinforced by decades of film and media content that portrays men as stoic, stone statues. All men have had this reinforced since they were children, told by well-meaning adults to “hide our feelings” and be “hard as a man.”
Unfortunately, HSP men are not on that wavelength. Throughout our lives, we have struggled with two competing urges: the desire to conform to the behavior expected of us, and the desire to I don’t care and be our true selves.
Because of this, I think it usually takes longer to get used to new people than it does for HSP women. Our low-key demeanor is often seen as unusual, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. We just spend more time assessing other people’s expectations.
When we finally realize that we see you as someone who doesn’t judge us for being “difference” from the “iron man” stereotype, we will gradually open up – and be one of the most understanding and compassionate friends you could ever have.
Interesting body research There is also how HSP men and women differ in how they support their friends who are going through difficulties. Men are less inclined than women to think together, which refers to interpersonal dialogue between friends that focuses on discussing problems with each other. While HSP women may engage you in conversation if they sense that you’re feeling down, HSP men are more likely to engage their male friends in some sort of shared activity, such as a casual tennis match or video game, and in the middle of a pep talk.
So, for women, talking about the issue is the main event, while men unwittingly make the issue secondary. It’s almost as if HSP men need some sort of “buffer”. they feel less emotionally involved in those sensitive conversations and burdensome.
2. We are more likely to put on a facade to impress others.
If an outsider spent the same amount of time observing a male and a female friend group, each with an HSP, it would probably take longer to identify the HSP male. Many of us have become good “turning off” our sensitivity. as the situation calls for—probably because we often get into trouble whenever we allow ourselves to be shown. Relax mate, it’s just a joke. Don’t go to your head. Just enjoy the moment. These well-intentioned comments can make us feel like an outsider when we spend time with our friends, and it’s natural to shape our persona to fit in.
HSP women, on the other hand, are generally more comfortable expressing their sensitivity when they are with close friends. The insights that HSP women bring to their social circles are often more appreciated and accepted than a man doing the same, and I attribute this phenomenon to society’s portrayal of women as more “emotionally aware.” Of course, years of gender research support the fact that there are significant biological differences in how men and women interact with the world, but that only makes it harder for HSP men.
Men don’t expected you are overwhelmed by stimuli, or you perceive the world very deeply, or you pick up on other people’s emotions. It pains me to see my HSP male friends come back from a social outing, completely drained of energy and overwhelmed. Putting on a facade is exhausting, and there are times when HSPs really do he is afraid they spend time with their friends because we already foresee the it will affect us emotionally.
Need to soothe your sensitive nervous system?
HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload, and stress—and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you finally felt at ease?
This is what you will find in it this effective online course Julie Bjelland, one of the best HSP therapists in the world. You will learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end the emotional outpouring, eliminate the sensory overload, and finally make room for your sensitive gifts to shine.
Stop feeling held back and start believing that you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making changes today. Click here for more information.
3. It may take longer to accept our high sensitivity as a “good” trait.
I remember too many times when I sat alone and thought: What is wrong with me? Beating myself up for how I reacted in certain situations, or criticizing myself for not wanting to go clubbing, or wondering why my hobbies don’t match up with my friends.
High sensitivity can be linked to many positive features, but I never I felt that my creativity, empathy, and conscientiousness compensated for the internal war I was constantly fighting.
I didn’t begin to see the merits of sensitivity until I met other HSPs and found common ground with them. That’s when I finally felt that they understood me – and I could cry out “That’s exactly what I’m doing!” when comparing behavior. Accepting your HSP tendencies as a man means finally admitting that you are an invisible minority among your friends. This means that you delight in starting conversations and showing aspects that other men completely ignore. This means accepting your place as “cautious” in social circles and being comfortable with radically different interests.
On the other hand, I’m not pretending to say that HSP women necessarily have an easier time accepting their sensitive side. Humans are creatures of comparison, and how easily one accepts oneself depends greatly on the kind of affirmation and support one receives from other people in one’s environment, the dynamics of which vary drastically from person to person.
At the same time, it is psychological research associated many high sensitivity traits more strongly with women than with men. Higher aversion to violence, more perceptive, being less comfortable in interpersonal conflictswith a higher level of empathy and socio-emotional understanding… To this day, high sensitivity is definitely considered a more “acceptable” and “natural” trait in women than in men.
4. We can become defensive when someone points out our sensitive side.
I’m not proud of this and I’m still working on it – but HSPs seem to be more defensive than HSP women when someone points out your sensitivity.
Language studies They found an interesting difference in how men and women use verbal communication in the context of creating group dynamics. Men tend to focus on dominating conversations, establishing status and hierarchy with the goal of being on top and representing the “popular” opinion. since women use a more supportive conversational style and focused on relationship building and problem solving.
Not surprisingly HSP men struggle with thisespecially when our sensitivity is used as a weapon against us. Many HSPs tend to internalize expectations, and we may get upset when our personality is criticized, we don’t want others to “win” some imagined social battle at our own expense.
Unfortunately, we say things in the heat of the moment that we don’t mean – and feel terrible about it later. Ironically, the other person may not actually care as much as we think, but we still manage to convince ourselves that a friendship is irretrievably broken.
Women, in their more relationship-oriented conversational style, do not usually do this with their close friends. With a communication style that focuses more on understanding and uplifting each other, HSP women are unlikely to encounter as many situations where they feel defensive about their personality.
I believe that by being aware of these phenomena and the evidence supporting them, I approach these scenarios in a more objective light and be less offended when you get into a conflict.
Whatever our differences, our similarities are far more important
The above differences are based on my own observations of HSPs around me, as well as evidence-based psychological research. Like one HSP maleI like to think I understand the Common challenges of HSP menand contrast it with personality research on women, which is well accepted. I absolutely cannot speak for any woman, much less generalize to the entire female HSP population.
But the similarities between HSP men and women are much stronger than the differences. Our sensitivity gives us a personality that is reflective, sensitive and compassionate. The first HSPs I was lucky enough to meet were all women and it was the first time I got to understand myself a little better and accept my great sensitivity.
HSPs add something to the world that is often forgotten in our modern world – depth. Too many conversations are surface level, too many people wear masks (not literally) when dealing with the world, and too many things seem superficial.
So, HSP women and men, this is an opportunity for us to share our gifts with the people around us and make the world a little more sensitive and better.
HSP men and women out there, what would you add to the above? I’d love to hear it in the comments below!
You might also like:
This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products that we truly believe in.
