Highly sensitive people want a calmer, happier life. Could certain types of stress be the secret to getting there?
I was stung by a bee for the first time when I was 26 years old.
Not just once, but several times. On the face.
I had never been stung by a bee, wasp, hornet, or any of their cousins before. However, in elementary school, I was still the girl who would squirm and run away at the mere sight of a small body buzzing yellow in the pollen-filled air. Once at the outdoor cafe, when a bee looked like it wanted to share with me, I even handed over the entire Nacho Lunchable that I’d begged my mom to buy for weeks—and left when I moved to a new table.
Despite how much bees made me nervous, over the years I kind of developed the philosophy that if you leave them alone, they’ll treat you in a similar way. This philosophy instilled in me an almost Zen-like calmness in their presence, allowing us to coexist peacefully while I read my book, did yoga, or watched the water flow past me by the river. I had no alertness or anxiety. it was me cold around bees, living with them in the same way as ladybugs, butterflies and lizards. Sometimes I was amazed at their beauty.
Years later, as I washed my swollen face with soap and water after being stung that day, I remembered that my seemingly wise mantra had failed to protect me—at least not from this particular wasp. I wondered if the experience would turn me back into the petrified and bee-averse girl I once was. At least I knew that from then on I would be at least a little more careful (and less Zen) about these buzzing creatures.
What I didn’t realize was that the stress of the experience, while uncomfortable, was actually wearing on me right.
Scientists call this adaptive stress.
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What is “adaptive stress”?
Adaptive stress occurs when, as a result of a stressful or unpleasant experience, we protect ourselves better, initiate restorative processes, or teach us to avoid future harm. It usually occurs when the initial stressor is relatively mild, such as a bee sting, even if it seems severe at the time.
We all need some level of adaptive stress to survive. Our ancestors listened to it as a sign to avoid being eaten by predators. Stress from a real and proven threat—and where actual action can be taken—always serves an adaptive purpose.
Take the example of gluten, which is a real danger to people with celiac disease. Ingestion already 10 mg – about 1/250 of a piece of bread – can cause vomiting, diarrhea and an autoimmune reaction, potentially leading to organ failure. However, the stress of gluten causes people with celiac disease to avoid eating in unsafe environments. This prompts them to wash their dishes thoroughly, read labels carefully, and communicate with food establishments in advance. Celiacs who don’t take these steps are far more likely to consume gluten and suffer small-bowel damage—but most people learn from their gastrointestinal distress and start to protect themselves.
When is adaptive stress good for HSPs?
As highly sensitive people (HSPs), you might stress about finding places that won’t be noisy or where the lighting won’t feel too harsh. Maybe that stress makes you want to research venues in advance (I know it does for me). Like dating, as an HSP who is sensitive to environmental stimuli I can never predict what factors like lighting, noise level, smells would be in the place where we met our date. To help with this, I tried to arrive early so I could scope out the place and choose the seat where I felt most comfortable. Dim lighting, relatively quiet, comfortable furniture – every HSP is different, but these things are known to put us at ease.
Stress also makes me be more conscientious about the people I surround myself with – preferably people who understand and consider my needs. (I once lived in a household like mine noise sensitivity “dramatic.”). We healthcare providers are used to being dismissed when we make requests that others downplay or don’t understand (especially our noise, light, and smell triggers). Some respond to even reasonable offers of accommodation as an attack or a restriction on their personal freedom. Maybe they think we’re just cheering, or maybe they don’t realize the profound impact seemingly “minor” issues have on our well-being.
Thus, in order to protect our energy, it becomes necessary to be selective about our friends and company. Hans Veiel and Urs Baumann as psychologists write“Perceiving greater support from friends is associated with greater sense of purpose and control over one’s life.” Other researchers they found that social approval is one of the biggest drivers of self-esteem—and self-esteem is especially important to HSPs because helps to dissolve the sensitive strengthening effect.
In each of these examples, a certain amount of stress causes us to make choices that increase the likelihood of a positive experience. We just have to be open to learning from our unpleasant experiences.
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Not all stress is good Stress
Stress over things you have no control over is less constructive. If it prevents you from functioning and focusing on the tasks of daily life, or if it interferes with your sleep, you may consider this “maadaptive stress.”
For example, worrying too much about what people think of you or whether your boundary will upset someone is something we HSPs sometimes do. Yet these concerns are things over which we have only minimal control. Therefore, it would be better to direct our stress and vigilance to something more constructive. It’s not easy, but it’s time to break out the techniques that will help change your thinking and relieve your anxiety.
Likewise, extremely large stressors rarely adapt—at least not in the short term. A serious injury, being robbed, losing a loved one, or a nasty divorce are all examples of stressors that are overwhelming rather than adaptive. Yes, you may gain insight from them in a few years, but you may also carry trauma from them. You don’t have to push yourself to find a silver lining. Instead, focus on the things that are under your control and receive the necessary therapy to recover from the trauma and minimize long-term effects.
How to recognize and use adaptive stress – without overwhelming yourself
I believe that as uncomfortable as it is for us, some level of stress helps us make better decisions. Accepting this is the first step to using it and will help you develop the growth mindset you need to get the most out of adaptive stress.
Then, if you get stressed, which you can learn from, take it slowly. Use baby steps. Take the time to think about what changes you could make to prevent or overcome the situation in the future.
Personally, I have not been around bees at all for a few months after being stung. Then I can, but only for short periods of time and I would never be able to give my full attention to whatever activity I am involved in. Half of it is the constant monitoring of the bee, watching its movements, following its changes – being highly attuned to any signs that it is about to attack.
A little later I started to relax slightly (but not completely). I’m still at this point with the bees. Finally, I rest more. Maybe one day I’ll be able to return to Zen-like calm, but maybe not. Maybe I’ll just be a little careful.
I decided that this mild vigilance was necessary and okay. When it comes to my celiac disease, I wish I didn’t have to stress about the small amount of gluten. I want to believe those who say I should be more relaxed about my condition. I just don’t believe what they are selling. Life as an HSP with celiac disease—or as a person in general—is never going to be easy or completely stress-free. It’s my body extremely sensitive if about gluten and other provocations.
And I’m fine with that. The stress I feel doesn’t make or break my quality of life – in fact, I know it improves my life by protecting me from harm.
I think this is true for all sensitive people. Whether adaptive stress is due to celiac disease, noise triggers, or an overstimulating environment, you you have to decide how much vigilance is healthy. No one else does.
There is a lot of freedom in this.
