As a Brit who recently moved to Australia, I was worried about whether I would be able to maintain successful long distance friendships– especially as my closest friend still lives in the UK. After all research showed that if you don’t see a friend in person for two months, your closeness decreases by 30%. After five months, this number increases to 80%.
I can partially attest to these statistics. Some friends I thought were “ride or die” haven’t messaged me in months (or have they). A couple I thought would always be there were nowhere to be found the last time I was home. Another friend of mine in Australia was confident that our time spent in the same period wouldn’t shake us up – as I did – but things didn’t turn out that way.
“Long-distance friendships can be difficult because proximity is one of the things that creates a connection,” said the psychologist. Marisa G. FrancoPhD, author Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make—and Keep—Friendssays SELF. “There can be many barriers,” he continues, noting that a lack of active effort and openness to digital connectivity can contribute to figurative and literal distancing.
Maintaining closeness and connection with a friend who lives on the other side of the world there is challenging – but still very possible. For example, my best friend Humeara, who still lives in London while I’m here in Melbourne.
Humeara and I have been friends for about four years, but it’s only been in the last 18 months that we’ve become really close (ie, “best friend” level). We like going to work events together (he’s also a journalist), going out for walks with his dog, and lazing on the couch watching Married at first sight (the Australian version, always) when we’re both in London. We’re comfortable in quiet time together, and since we’re both extroverted introverts, we like to use our mutually agreed-upon code word—”non-verbal time?” – if we need it. She’s kind, brave, hilariously funny, has solid morals, and accepts me for who I am (anxiety spirals and all).
So it goes without saying that living apart is hard – for both of us. We agree that one of the biggest challenges is not being able to jump in to meet or pick up the phone due to the huge time difference. It is especially difficult when the person is not there during the difficult times. But mostly it’s the little things we both miss, like drinking coffee and moaning about things.
