Our HSP caution kept our ancestors alive. But does this also hold us back from living our best lives?
He specializes as an extremely sensitive psychologist extremely sensitive people (HSPs), I regularly hear from my clients how much they hate taking risks. The conversation focuses on how uncomfortable it is to deal with uncertainty. They want to avoid the swirling thoughts, the racing heart, and the questions about what others will do, feel, or think in response. They may feel that they are not good at taking risks because it is such a difficult process. Many HSPs conclude that it is better—safer—to try to avoid any situation that involves risk altogether.
And we are often right. But what about the times that hold us back?
How to distinguish bad risk from good risk
There is one evolutionary advantage To our HSP to be careful. Highly sensitive people excel at recognizing risks and are slow to assess them, as we are highly attuned to both our environment and our own subtle feelings. I think it was an ancient HSP who cautioned against eating a newly discovered plant, wading into a raging river, or engaging a new group of people.
However, an excessive focus on security can deter HSPs from creating a we long for meaningful lives. Changes and new things that give purpose to our lives always contain risks, such as trying new activities, traveling, developing personal and professional skills, experiencing all forms of love (people, animals, activities, natural world).
There’s a difference between reckless risk-taking that compromises your safety and risk-taking that pushes us beyond our comfort zone with the promise of growth. Our nervous system tends to oversimplify this distinction: risk is risk. So is ours responses to threats–fight, flight, freeze, doe – can start, whether we fall off a cliff or ask for a raise at work.
Our challenge is to learn to recognize when our mind and body perceive risk, and then take one or more of the following steps:
- Calm yourself down to reduce the bravado response
- Be prepared to endure the discomfort of taking risks
- Focus on the potential benefits or reward the risk you offer
By regularly dealing with risk in this way, over time we learn to effectively manage the risks that arise in our lives – without throwing caution to the wind.
But for highly sensitive people, there are seven big challenges that can prevent us from taking even the smartest risks.
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7 Reasons Why HSPs Have a Hard Time Taking Risks – and How to Overcome Them
Here are some of the most common challenges associated with risk management and ways to make the process easier:
1. Too much sensory information
Our sensory processing sensitivities allow us to notice incredible detail in our environment and internal experiences. We can become overwhelmed by every detail and begin to feel that risk is everywhere.
How to defeat:
Learn to recognize your personal signs of overstimulation and find ways to reduce your sensory exposure. Special attention should be paid to the concept of HALT– being hungry, angry, lonely or tired – and how these experiences make you more vulnerable to overstimulation. Commit to managing your stimulation levels on a daily basis and do more to stay calm when you find yourself in a situation that seems risky.
2. Overthinking
Research it shows that the HSP brain is deeply processing information, even when we are trying to relax. If we don’t pay attention to our thinking habits, we can overthink ourselves to the point of exaggerating potential risk and fall into analysis paralysis.
How to defeat:
Paying attention to our thoughts can help us notice when we have shifted from productive reflection to repetitively dwelling on old information. By being aware of overthinking, we can practice turning our attention to other topics and engaging in behaviors that calm us down. As we ponder how risky a situation might be, we have an opportunity build skills for tolerating that there is no such thing as a risk-free choice. We can deepen our ability to cope with the inevitability of changerather than trying to resist the threats we believe exist.
3. Perfectionism and unrealistic standards
If we expect perfection from ourselves, the choice becomes risky. Our unrealistic standards are failing us. No wonder we try to avoid what we have made risky. This fuels a cycle in which perfectionism seems to keep us safe, so we continue to set high expectations for ourselves, with all its negative consequences.
How to defeat:
Make a commitment to completely get rid of heavy expectations that are not useful for you. Allow yourself to experiment relax your perfectionism and see if you can still take risks and achieve what you desire. Allow yourself to slowly change your reliance on perfectionism as a false sense of security.
4. Empathy and borderline disorder
Compassion for others comes naturally to HSPs, which is one of the important gifts we bring to the world. However, if our empathy comes at the expense of our own needs, we can be more vulnerable to risk. Caring too much for others can seem risky, especially if we don’t meet our own needs. At such times, HSPs often withdraw in order to minimize the potential costs of joining.
Alternatively, we may empathize with people excessively and find it hard to say no. If we fear that we will hurt others and need to support them, we may choose not to risk the boundary.
How to defeat:
Be careful how you take care of yourself. Caring for others seems a lot less risky when we’re on solid ground. Learning how to set boundaries and differentiate yourself from others is also vital. Boundaries act as a protective separation between us and the world. Even though our empathy can make it difficult to set boundaries, we can manage risks by setting compassionate but firm boundaries.
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5. Seeking a high sensation
I’m an HSP, but I am high sensation seeking (HSS)that is, I tend to be curious and seek new things in addition to my HSP qualities. These preferences can sometimes conflict—the HSS side may tolerate more risk-taking, while the highly sensitive side craves predictability and familiarity. If this tension leads to the neglect of a set of needs and preferences, we may take unnecessary risks or avoid taking reasonable risks.
How to defeat:
It can help to get to know other HSS HSPs and realize that you are not alone in holding these seemingly conflicted parts of yourself. Learn to appreciate how your sensitivity and HSS can complement each other. See if you can cultivate an inner moderator that helps maintain a healthy balance of risk (novelty) and routine.
6. Performance anxiety and impostor syndrome
HSPs are the most conscientious people I have met in my career. A combination of deep empathy, awareness of fine details, and habitual self-reflection drives HSPs to give their best in every situation. Unfortunately, performance anxiety and imposter syndrome can also occur, making situations seem more risky to an HSP than to a non-highly sensitive person.
How to defeat:
Performance anxiety and imposter syndrome thrive in isolation. Check your assumptions with someone you trust. By connecting with other health care providers who are dealing with these issues, you can reduce their power in your life. As you assess how risky it is to attempt a task and question your ability to do it, watch out for perfectionism and unrealistic standards. Experiment with the concept of “feeling afraid but doing it anyway.”
7. Unhealed wounds
Research consistently supports the concept differential susceptibility— the way HSPs are more strongly affected by both negative and positive experiences. You may be particularly risk-averse if you didn’t get what you needed to support you as a highly sensitive child or if you experienced childhood trauma. And while this makes sense based on your experience, it doesn’t have to be the end of the story.
How to defeat:
Allow yourself to experience the positive side of differential sensitivity so that HSPs can benefit more from positive experiences. Surround yourself with a community of people who are highly sensitive or HSP allies. Commit to making life choices—including taking risks—that support what you naturally want and need as an HSP. Get therapy for one Therapist with HSP knowledge who knows your unique makeup and can empower you to learn how to deal with risk.
Why take the risk?
Even if you follow these suggestions, you will never become someone who he loves to take risks – and that’s okay. Most of my HSP clients feel more competent in risk management, but are not necessarily willing to do so.
Why do I encourage them to take risks? Because it is an unavoidable part of life. Taking risks is painful. But the alternative is stagnation, which is much worse. I hope you give yourself the opportunities and possibilities that come with taking risks.
To learn more about my Singularly Sensitive approach, which empowers HSPs to find creative, holistic, mindful ways to deal with risk and build meaningful, purposeful, and fulfilling lives, please visit my website for free resources or to arrange a consultation.
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