In order for people to start seeing sensitivity more positively, we must first change the way we talk about it.
My stomach churned because for the first time I wanted to share that I am a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). Getting to know the property it changed my life and now I was hoping it might help others understand me better.
I was excited but nervous. How will people perceive it? Do they treat me differently? I was living with one of my best friends at the time and decided to share some pad thai with her at takeout.
“Are you a very sensitive person? Of course?” he asked with a worried look as he put down his wand. “I don’t think you are that sensitive.”
I understand your initial confusion. My friend is known as a rather easy-going, good-natured and friendly person. I knew him detection of a “sensitive person”. – the “dictionary definition” if you will – was someone who was fragile, easily offended and cried all the time.
“No, no, I absolutely do a.m the sensitive one,” I told him laughing. “You know how I always have to sleep with my eye mask on? Or how I can never stay out too late with our friends? It’s because I’m very sensitive. I’m more sensitive to my surroundings and I get exhausted more easily.”
She nodded and replied, “That makes sense.” We shared a room for a while and he knew first hand how particular I was about sleeping. “Wait, so you think that’s why you had stomach problems? Because you’re very sensitive?” she inquired.
I shrugged. “It certainly can!” I answered. (I later learned that my digestive issues were actually related to my high sensitivity, but that’s another story.)
Fortunately, the first time I shared with HSP, it was received fairly well by a confused but open-minded friend. However, this is not always the case. In fact, many HSPs report feeling misunderstoodthey were rejected or looked down upon because of their sensitive nature.
When it comes to accepting our true nature as HSPs, I think we have an extra hurdle to jump because as perceived by society and determines sensitivity. This is certainly not good for us.
What is sensitivity?
Sensitivity does not mean what most people assume. Rather, it is a healthy personality trait and an innate part of being a highly sensitive person. In other words, everyone is sensitive to some degree – some are just more sensitive than others. 30 percent of the population is extremely sensitive, almost every third person. They are more sensitive to stimuli, both emotionally (feelings, facial expressions, body languagewords and social cues from those around them) and physically (to sounds, lights, textures, temperature, smells, etc.).
This trait brings a lot of strength, from empathy (lots of it). empaths probably highly sensitive people) and creativity (“sensitive artists” are sensitive for a reason) to deep thinking, emotional depth, attention to detail and an intuitive Spidey-Sense, and even the smallest details that others often miss.
When you combine all of these, you present a very different image of sensitive people than most people think – not fragile or “weak”, but capable and thoughtful.
Despite all of this, many people still misunderstand the “dictionary definition” of sensitivity – especially if an HSP has been told all their life that their sensitivity is a negative thing. So how do we change the way people think? We explain exactly what high sensitivity is and how much of an asset it is compared to a downside.
Like what you’re reading? Get our newsletter for HSPs. An email every Friday. Click here to sign up!
The fallacy of being highly sensitive
Unfortunately, Society has conditioned us to think of sensitivity as a bad thing; negative; barrier. How many times have you heard, “You’re too sensitive!” or “Get Hard”? I know I’ve heard them more times than I can count.
So when I told my boyfriend that I was a very sensitive person, he was initially worried. Because we are not used to seeing sensitivity in a positive light. So, when someone hears the word “sensitive,” they probably think fragile, fine, unable to handle difficulties.
And I mean if you look “sensitive” in the dictionary says “very sensitive or susceptible: eg (1): easily hurt or injured; mainly: easily hurt emotionally (2): subtly aware of other people’s attitudes and feelings.”
While this definition is true – Yes, sensitive people often hurt themselves more easily. And yes, we tend to be completely aware of other people’s feelings, which is a wonderful thing! — does not describe the complexity and the beauty of sensitivity.
Of course, this dictionary definition usually refers to sensitivity, not its characteristics high sensitivityas coined by Dr. Elaine Aron. But the reality is that most people still do I don’t know about the expression extremely sensitive person. So, when they think of sensitivity, they think of a one-dimensional definition of it.
Unfortunately, this keeps the wall up between us and our non-HSP friends. Because of this, we HSPs often feel painfully different and sometimes even ashamed of who we really are.
Being misunderstood as an HSP is painful
As a mentor to HSPs, one of the most common problems I hear from my clients is that they feel misunderstood. Of course, being an HSP myself, I have experienced this first hand.
But knowing that all of our experiences are a little different, I decided to ask my community what misconceptions people had about them when they shared that they were highly sensitive. Here are some of their responses:
“That I’m really picky; a perfectionisthigh-strung “Type A” and hard to please. Or that I am very fragile and I have to protect and protect.”
“The biggest misconception I’ve come across is that people feel sorry for me when they find out I’m HSP, because they think it’s all about suffering, not good…and they wish I could find a way to ‘cure’ or reduce it so I can be ‘happy again.'”
“People think I’m overly dramatic, that I have impractical standards, but I can’t deal with my emotionsfragile, attention-seeking, awkward. Mostly they think I’m exaggerating and need to grow a ‘thicker skin’ or stop letting things ‘bother’ me.
A hen. Hearing answers like these, it’s no wonder that many HSPs struggle with self-acceptance. But hearing this from the world around us doesn’t mean we have to fight. As I said before, we just have one extra hurdle to jump. So lace up your running shoes, my HSP friendslet’s jump over this obstacle!
Need to soothe your sensitive nervous system?
HSPs often live with high levels of anxiety, sensory overload, and stress—and negative emotions can overwhelm us. But what if you finally felt at ease?
This is what you will find in it this effective online course Julie Bjelland, one of the best HSP therapists in the world. You will learn to turn off the racing thoughts, end the emotional outpouring, eliminate the sensory overload, and finally make room for your sensitive gifts to shine.
Stop feeling held back and start believing that you can handle anything. Check out this “HSP Toolbox” and start making changes today. Click here for more information.
Redefining what it means to be sensitive
How people view sensitivity starts with us. We are the ones who know this feature the most, right? I mean, we live it every day! So in order for others to start seeing sensitivity more positively, we have to see it that way ourselves.
For example, my boyfriend was initially concerned when I shared with him that I am a very sensitive person. However, because I found freedom in understanding my HSP nature, I did not share the same anxiety and was able to respond in a lighthearted way. “No, I’m really that sensitive!” I said playfully.
After this conversation, my non-HSP friend began to see sensitivity in a new light. Here was an extremely sensitive friend who didn’t meet the traditional definition of “sensitive” and who actually proud that sensitive. Since then, he has really enlightened his other friends HSP trait for what he learned from me.
In these small moments, we slowly break down the stigma of sensitivity.
Of course, there are challenges that come with being highly sensitive, and it’s not always easy for us to embrace our sensitivity right away. Even though I can confidently share it today, it wasn’t always that way. I used to feel like my sensitivity was a burden and struggled with low self-esteem. I carried a lot of shame to who I was and I felt it was better to stay hidden in the background.
To get to a place where I can love who I am, I had to do some deep inner work. I saw a therapistworked with a holistic practitioner and meditated daily. I found the A community of fellow HSPs through the Highly Sensitive Refuge and I trained myself on the trait. The more I learned, the more I began to accept myself for who I am.
When we heal our relationship with our sensitivity, it becomes easier for the rest of the world to accept it. And the more times this happens, the more the dictionary definition of high sensitivity changes.
If you have had difficulty sharing your HSP experiences with others, grab my free guide to explain your sensitivity to non-HSPs!
