“What if I accept that all I really want is a small, slow, simple life? A nice, quiet, gentle life. I think that’s enough.” ~Krista O’Reilly-Davi-Digui
Why do we feel that way? pressure dream big? I think it starts in childhood, when parents, teachers, and other adults start asking, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
One of the many problems with this question is its premise. In the classroom, church, youth camp, and home, you are not alone, and you are able to hear, understand, and internalize how others might answer this question. If you pay close attention, you will notice that the answers vary by age group.
For young children, the answer is very simple and has to do with their immediate environment. A little girl might answer that she wants to be a mother when she grows up. A little boy might answer that he wants to be a policeman. A teenage girl might say she wants to be a teacher, while a teenage boy might say he wants to be a detective. Maybe a teenage girl wants to be a singer when she grows up, or a teenage boy wants to be a soccer player.
By the time most of these children reach young adulthood, the answers will no longer be as varied and easy as they once were. The answers start a certain pattern. The most common answers are doctors, lawyers, investment bankers, pilots, engineers, etc.
There are certainly many reasons for this, but one I would like to highlight is financial freedom and all that comes with it.
At some point in our lives, we become aware of the power of money, and our dreams, aspirations, desires and lifestyle begin to take shape around it.
Where I come from, it’s not uncommon for teachers to advise students not to be teachers, but to try to be doctors or pilots because those professions tend to make more money. Everything else is less urgent.
There’s a strange story we tell ourselves that says as long as there’s money, everything else will fall into place. By the time you’re well into adulthood, you’ve probably come to the unpleasant discovery of just how untrue this story is. But that doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve changed your goals.
Whether you are a doctor, teacher, creative, small business owner or something else, our dreams and aspirations tend to take very similar forms.
Our dreams are no longer only about having a comfortable roof for our home, but also about an enviable location, income-generating properties and vacation homes.
We no longer only desire to have one car for convenience, but two or more cars, preferably expensive and good-looking.
Our goal is no longer just to be healthy, to have a perfectly functioning body in terms of strength, balance, flexibility and proportions; now it must be defined, toned, provocative, and fundamentally a work of art to be seen, admired, and discussed.
Even a simple walk is not just a walk. You need to count your steps, calculate the calories burned and share the results.
Financial freedom is no longer about making ends meet or putting it aside for the rainy season or an emergency, it’s about working full-time on top of a full-time job and side hustle.
With the advent of happiness gurus, vision boards, affirmations and feel-good culture, our dreams and desires become unbearable. Now there is a formula for dreaming and longing, and an expected, standard result.
I’m always curious to see what almost all sight boards in the world look like. It is even more interesting to report that we all grow up in different homes, have different cultural and religious backgrounds, look different physically, and have different educational backgrounds. Yet it seems that our desires, dreams, visions and aspirations have become one.
Most often, all of them are on the vision board material goods. The unique home, the expensive car and the enviable vacation spots. And our different genes, bone density, height, etc. despite this, the body’s goals are very similar, if not identical.
We all recite the same morning and night affirmations about prosperity and abundance.
It will be hard to find a vision board filled with patience, kindness, apologizing, taking out the trash, checking on your neighbor, calling family members multiple times, feeding stray animals, finding satisfaction in finances as opposed to making money, being grateful for stopping by your apartment, and being pregnant that time of year, changing with the car, or not wanting the body, or not wanting the body a sick body, a body that carried and gave birth to other people, a body with different abilities, etc.
There could be such vision boards, but this is not typical.
We are all free to dream, desire and visualize the lifestyle we want; we all know that. It must be said that you can wish for little, you can simply dream, and your dreams and desires are still worthy.
You are not lazy. You have no or no faith at all, because the dream life you imagine and create in your mind, those deep desires and longings, looks something like this:
Walking or cycling to all the places you need to get to, buying used clothes, living a simple homeeat what you grow and keep, make your own entertainment from what you have and feel good about it, work and earn less, nap in the afternoon, read on the balcony without guilt, spend your evenings or weekends just chatting with people, be it family members, neighbors, friends or just strangers, and show up in your life without makeup or without having to spend hours and dollars on your appearance.
If you’ve never wanted to wear expensive perfumes and are happy with a basic body spray or nothing at all, then your desire is valuable.
If you have crooked teeth but don’t have an overwhelming desire for orthodontics, you won’t settle for less; you, my friend, have been touched by satisfaction.
Maybe you’d rather take a walk, practice yin yoga or mat Pilates, or dance to your favorite music rather than doing HIIT and sweating it out at the gym. Yes, you have wide hips, a fair amount of cellulite, stretch marks, maybe a tiny stomach, and the exercise you enjoy won’t shape your body, but maybe you can’t care.
No, you’re not lazy for not wanting to spend a lifetime in military-style training on a daily basis just to make it an art form for others. If you are calm and see the precious movements you are enjoying, then that is all.
If you don’t plan expensive vacations, but rather take small breaks in everyday life – whether it’s a weekend at the beach, an afternoon at the beach, going on a hike once a week, or having lunch in a nice restaurant – it’s all about relaxation and experiencing new things. He doesn’t settle for an average life just because he lives his life differently or cheaply.
By today’s standards, being financially poor is not the same as being spiritually, physically poor, emotionally poor, friendship-poor, relationship-poor, happiness-poor or joy-poor.
You are not less human because you don’t drive a fancy car (or any car), live in a small apartment instead of your own house, don’t own any luxury brands or items, don’t vacation in Greece, and went to a small vocational college (or none at all).
Determine what is important and meaningful to you, and don’t set it in stone. Always allow yourself, your definitions, your spirituality, your values, your dreams, your desires, your visions, your claims, your emotions, your body and your belief systems to change and evolve with time and the changing seasons of life.
Life doesn’t always have to expand, rise and grow. It also descends, decreases and compresses. That’s fine. All stages of life are precious and precious and they allow you to enjoy them, be in them, and be at peace with them.
About Amran of Muthoni
Muthoni Amran lives in the coastal zone of Kenya. She is a freelance Mandarin Chinese teacher who enjoys reading, walking, long conversations, and the art of being.
