Viewpoints, opinions, and mental positions are all thoughts – a thought says “so it is”, it is some kind of judgment or point of view about things. To identify with a mental position means to derive your sense of self from this mental position. It is a surrogate identity, a formal identity, an ego – a substitute for your real identity, which is formless and has nothing to do with any thought – but consciousness itself.
It’s a good opportunity to not give up your thoughts—you don’t have to watch Fox News, but if he’s there and he’s watching Fox News and the sound fills the house, you can either ask him to turn it down or close the door or hand over what he has or walk away or ask him to go outside. There are many choices other than negativity. The point is mental positions – the withdrawal of identification. You still have your position, but it no longer has an ‘I’ – it doesn’t provide you with a sense of identity. You can then allow someone else to take your mental position. Perhaps then you will discover that there is something beyond both your own and your husband’s mental state where there is no conflict. Beyond his thoughts and your thoughts – maybe you’ll find that place.
Your first responsibility is not to identify with a position. Everyone should practice this one way or another. This is a beautiful exercise. It is expressed in Zen. I don’t remember who said it, some Zen master said “Don’t seek the truth, just stop cherishing opinions”. And that’s enough. Many spiritually minded people are looking for “truth” – hopefully at some point within, but first it starts without. But don’t look for the truth, not even inside, just stop cherishing opinions. To cherish, not to possess. He’s not saying to stop giving opinions because that would be difficult – perhaps a very advanced practice. Even I have some opinions, about Fox News and so on – but to cherish is to identify with the opinion, to be in on the thought. And then that gives you the sense of “I”. Then anyone who has a different or opposing point of view becomes a kind of enemy. Then you are trapped in form. This is a very common human condition. The majority of people on the planet derive their identity from their thoughts. So we put the thought into ourselves. Perhaps this is another way of talking about the essential truth of the Buddha, who discovered that the sense of “I” is an illusion. You derive your sense of self from the form – because every thought is a thought form. It’s an energy field.
If this was your only spiritual practice, that would be enough. If you can try to talk to the questioner, for example, your husband can become your spiritual teacher because he can constantly remind you not to identify with mental positions. Then you don’t resist the other person’s mental situation, because you don’t need it – you allow it to be so. You can even allow your own mental state. Resisting someone else’s mental state only reinforces it. Try arguing with him about Fox News or Sarah Palin and you’ll see what I mean.
You may find it a miracle that this can happen quite easily, that one’s spiritual position can either be weakened or even dissolved if not resisted – for it needs resistance in order to be strengthened and to gain energy from the struggle with the other. It’s amazing to see how it can happen if they don’t resist, if they allow, “I know you feel that way, and that’s okay.”
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