Learn how to live your full life with mental illness

There is a famous Latin phrase that I really like: Carpe diem. It means “Seize the day”. Younger people may be more familiar with the phrase “You Only Live Once” or YOLO. Both expressions encourage people to live life to the fullest.

I have struggled with depression and anxiety since childhood, which makes it difficult to live and enjoy life on those terms. I missed a lot of precious moments with my loved ones.

Lately though, my mental health has taken a turn for the better and I’m doing everything I can to make up for the quality time I’ve missed.

I am a practicing Christian and my church recently had a gathering or social event. I’m usually a wallflower at social events. I don’t participate much, I rather watch and laugh from the sidelines. At this particular gathering, I was often front and center and did a lot of dancing.

A church member even told me that he didn’t know I danced like that. I can’t dance anyway, but I suppose he said he couldn’t imagine me dancing so freely. It felt so good to let loose and have fun with my fellow church members.

I had family members at the reunion with me and I wouldn’t have attended if they weren’t there. I hardly make decisions without my family’s input because my anxiety gets in the way and I have trouble trusting my own decisions. My confidence could definitely use more work, but for now I’m glad I had a good time at the meet. It wasn’t the only time recently that I stepped out of my comfort zone.

I am becoming more involved in my church and speaking at Bible study meetings. I don’t usually share my thoughts in the group because I usually don’t like attention. However, the attention makes me feel better.

At my church, I hold prayer meetings every week, and a member of my church recently asked me to lead a prayer meeting on Zoom. I was nervous about taking on the task, but I decided to accept it.

After the meeting everyone told me I did a wonderful job. Some even told a family member how well the meeting went.

During the meeting, I did a small presentation on the history of Mother’s Day, and a member who saw the presentation was able to recall the details and share them with another member who was not present. This made me very happy because it means that he was really listening and paying attention. It also means that you enjoyed the meeting.

These two recent events, the social gathering and the prayer meeting, reminded me of how far I have come in dealing with depression and anxiety.

My family also noticed the change. I mentioned earlier that I missed bonding moments.

In a recent conversation with a family member, we discussed the family going to see “Superman: Man of Steel” in the theater sometime. I mentioned that I didn’t go that day, and my family member responded that she remembered having “moments” back then.

It is true that at the time I was dealing with many episodes of depression and I was very isolated. Isolation only made my depression worse, and my relationship with my family members also worsened.

They couldn’t understand why I wasn’t joining group activities. I was also very easily offended, so my family members felt they had to be extra careful with me. They thought they were walking on eggshells when they contacted me.

Part of me thought that what I was going through was normal. Another part of me knew something was wrong, but I didn’t want to admit that I was depressed. I didn’t want to deal with the stigma.

However, as time went on, I began to tire of dealing with my depression. I wanted to be happy. I wanted healthier relationships with my loved ones. Healthier relationships with my family started with building a relationship with my therapist.

For a long time I didn’t want to talk to anyone about my depression because I was ashamed. However, my therapist helped me feel comfortable discussing my mental illness. Once I felt better, I started talking to my family about my mental health.

Opening up to my family helped them understand me and built a stronger bond between us. My family may not fully understand me and my decisions, but they try. This is important because it helps me understand myself.

I went too long assuming my family didn’t care to understand and thought I was weird. My assumptions were wrong. My family members not only want to understand, but also completely accept me.

I assumed the same about my friends and church family, so I avoided getting involved in the church. After service, I mostly went straight home, skipping the community and social life. Just as I was wrong about my family, I was also wrong about my church members. Ever since I started being more involved in the church, I have received nothing but support and praise.

The love and encouragement I received helped reshape my thinking. Not everyone judges me, and some people are happy to have me in their lives. It helps me feel a lot more comfortable with myself.

I may run into people who are mean and judgmental, but I am surrounded by more supportive people than not. I learned that what other people think of me often has nothing to do with my values.

If you are like me and struggle with depression and anxiety, know that you are not alone. Not only are there many people living with mental illness like you, but there are people around you who love you. And there’s a good chance these people will be willing to help you if you let them.

Opening up and trusting others is not easy. However, if love and happiness are pouring into your heart, you’ll be glad you took the risk and opened the door. Don’t let mental illness isolate you or stop you from enjoying life. Carpe diem my friend. Carpe diem.