HSPs can contribute important insights. Is there a way to protect ourselves while making our voices heard?
Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) are known to use our sensitivity to promote the well-being of others – absorbing their thoughts and feelings and lending them an empathetic ear. Unfortunately, however, our modern-day grind culture a rush-rush-rush especially hard on sensitive types.
We need time and space to think and process so that we can contribute as best we can. Since Today’s society does not tolerate the “different” way of our relationship and we are often left out of the conversation during communication. Make no mistake, the world suffers from this just as much as we HSPs do.
So it’s time to demand our right to live in the world, grind culture be damned. There are too many injustices, too many problems, and too much suffering to tolerate HSPs’ perspectives being left out of the solutions.
If you find yourself feeling discouraged and discouraged that you can’t fit the mold that the rest of the world holds you to, you’re not alone. If you feel that you have nothing to add because you cannot perform as society expects of you, feel free. The status quo always requires disruption for real change to occur. And with that, dear HSP, remember these things about your process and your voice.
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4 ways for HSPs to use their voice
1. Trust the process and focus on the task at hand, step by step.
While I was in labor with my first born, my little highly sensitive child (HSC), the doctor came in and out of the delivery room to see how I was doing and make small talk. I decided to have an unmedicated labor and was completely in the zone, focusing on getting through each and every contraction and honing all my energy into the task at hand. Perhaps a non-HSP would have been able to talk to the doctor at the same time. But the talk was too far beyond what my limited energies could permit. (I mean I’ve had enough of overstimulation around me “I was about to give birth!)
So when the doctor popped in and asked how I was, I didn’t answer. I knew I should have. I felt the expectation of everyone in the room to participate in this social formality. But at that moment I need to conserve my energy for the work exceeded the expectations of answering his little speech. I’ve rarely let go of my extreme conscientiousness so completely, especially when I’m being stared at, but at that moment I had no choice.
For HSPs, our process is crucial if we are to fulfill our mission of making society better understand us in the world. Sensitive people perceive senses that others miss and they often see key pieces of the puzzle that others overlook. But as HSPs know very well, everything comes at a price: we can’t move through the world like everyone else because our task is different from everyone else’s. We are doing work that only we can do, so our energies must be focused on the task at hand.
Essentially, we are all working (no pun intended).
Perhaps the most important thing I learned while preparing for an unmedicated birth was the importance of each contraction. Each has its own purpose, preparing the laboring body as well as the position of the baby, pushing things a little closer and a little closer until birth.
So, while you’re in labor, it helps to think of each contraction as one step. When they all fade, it’s one down, one less in front of you. This concept of development was crucial for me. If I got stuck thinking I was getting nowhere, I wouldn’t have had the mental capacity to see it through.
The process of HSP is often similar. Yes, it may take longer than others. But every extra winding minute is purposeful. You may not be seeing progress at the moment – it may seem like you’re getting more and more exhausted, but you’re not going anywhere. However, this is not true. You’ll get there. And when you are ready, your inner process will produce something important. Something about your workplace, your friends, your family, your community and probably the rest of the world, its needs.
2. Take your time – that doesn’t mean you’re wasting your time.
Because HSPs tend to be very pragmatic, our own process can seem ineffective. Don’t let that stop you from doing it, no matter how much society agrees. Not everything in life is efficient, and often the most important elements can be frustratingly ineffective.
Think of a child learning to walk or talk. Their other developments often regress when they strive to master a new skill. As frustrating as the process can be, HSPs often have the gift of knowing that, contrary to the values of modern society, productivity and efficiency are not always top priorities. And that doesn’t help anxiety about time can weigh us down even more.
Tendon him workbook, The empowered, highly sensitive personDr. Amanda Cassil compares the highly sensitive mind to a phone running several complex applications at the same time. It just doesn’t produce output as fast as a phone running just one or two.
I actually feel that way most of the time. I fear that my inability to keep up—even when talking to friends (and especially in a group setting)—makes me irrelevant. I simply take in too much information, including all the sensory elements that others can filter out. I need to buffer all of thiswhile drifting freely from one subject to another, completely unencumbered by sensory intelligence. But buffering is critical—it’s an important output.
Very sensitive people, your process is important and you must protect it at all costs. Maybe you need to speak up at workit requires some accommodation to be at its best. You may need additional help from your partner to get the downtime you need. It’s all for your own personal well-being, yes. But it also serves the well-being of those around you and the afterlife.
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3. Lean into your empathic roles and birthrights as an HSP.
Before I knew anything about myself extremely sensitive featureI assumed my retreat into silence was a sign of weakness or even intelligence. With poor social skills. Out of cowardice. I’ve always envied those who could answer on a dime without saying a word. (I’ve also often resented them for seeing their words as useful until it was proven, as I dissected every idea or opinion I had for public consumption. Maybe I did it out of thorough conscientiousness, self-consciousness, or shyness. Probably a mix of all of these, and more.)
However, I can also hide in the silence – what HSPs value time alone – and I’m learning that this is not a satisfactory way to authentically rely on my HSP trait. It’s tempting to buy into the narrative that many HSPs have lived our entire lives, that our perspective isn’t valuable, that we’re just “too much,” “oversensitive,” and “extreme.” We should stop “bothering” everyone with all our sensitivities. It’s easy to quietly retreat back into the familiar shadows. After all, we have found solace there all our lives. Maybe our fellow non-HSPs leave us there, maybe they are not aware of what drew us there.
Related to this social media is another way to voice our thoughts – and even empathy (so to speak). I’ve never been particularly active on social media, but as a writer I thought I’d enjoy being on X (even though it was still Twitter back then). It took me no time at all to realize, my highly sensitive mind just can’t keep up with everyone’s feverish steps. Their initial response to new information is just that – a response. As an HSP, my initial response is usually contemplative silence.
My hot meals usually come to me long after everyone else has cooled down to lukewarm. They have moved on, but I keep turning it over in my head. HSPs like to overthink things! Often it’s a feeling or feeling that needs precious time to take root in my mind and soul before blossoming into something shareable. Most HSPs have experienced that when they finally do speak up, their point of view is often received with reverence that others have not quite taken into account.
We don’t want to discredit external processors with this. Social media platforms like X, Bluesky, Threads, and TikTok continue to amaze me with how quickly people can respond to events and topics with useful and insightful observations and guidelines. But I have to remind myself that just because my point of view takes longer to internally process and acquire the verbal expression doesn’t make it any less valid or valuable. It is often a vital piece of the puzzle that is needed in addition to a quick strike back.
Our job is to dare to say:
- “Going back to this point, I’ve been thinking about it and…”
- “I came up with the following about this situation…”
- “You know, we’ve been talking for a while about… whether…
Listen, if they can bravely share the first thought that pops into their head, then you can share the idea that you’ve been thinking about for days (or weeks, months!).
4. When in doubt, remember that your voice is key (even non-verbally).
Accept your claim. Speak your mind – even if communication can be difficult. Discuss the problem with your partner or best friend. Tell them at the meeting or email the team when you’re ready. Write your legislator. Share your observations when you’re out and about with your friends (or text them later). Don’t dismiss your voice as irrelevant just because it takes time to develop. Remember: your process is worth trusting, and so are your results.
Bestselling author and an extremely sensitive superstar Glennon Doyle compares in this world they are susceptible to canaries in a coal mine. Our task is to arouse others, to make them understand that we perceive something that they do not.
Whether it’s global events or overlooked local injustices, workplace inadequacies or family issues, we as healthcare providers must trust our processes and use our voices. So give yourself time and space to process. When you’re ready, you’ll know. Trust that you are a very sensitive truth teller. Got this.
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