Highly sensitive people react strongly to criticism. So how do you deal with someone who criticizes everything?
“Why can’t I fix one thing at work?”
“Am I the weak link in the office?”
“Should I stop?”
Questions like the three listed above are likely to come to mind when Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) find themselves under the supervision of employers prone to unauthorized behavior. criticism. Even though you do a lot of things right, they only focus on what you do “wrong”.
The average HSP would say that working in such an environment is excruciating.
This is not an exaggeration. The research found that the physical evidence of HSP body chemistry suggests that most people react more strongly to negative stimuli in their environment than the average person. This can apply to challenging bosses in work situations as well as hypercritical people in other areas of your life.
Why is criticism so difficult for HSPs?
In general, sensitive people react more strongly than others to environmental stimuli—as well as to other people’s feelings and emotions, absorbing them as if they were their own. HSPs are also excellent at reading body languageyou take what you have unspokenalso.
Robert Taibbi, Licensed Clinical Social Worker, he says that anyone who is prone to hurling judgmental comments and disparaging remarks at others may do so as a result of the excessive criticism they received as a child. Such a person may also struggle with anxiety, which leads to a need to control situations and people around them and insist that everyone do something. theirs manner, and will come down hard on anyone who appears not to comply.
In either case, the harsh critic is unlikely to change and lighten up overnight.
Although it’s healthy and best to cut a hypercritical person out of your life, sometimes you can’t (yet). Maybe we can’t afford to leave our workplace with the toxic boss (until we replace him) or have to live with our hypercritical roommate just a little further until we can get out of our lease.
So how can it be an HSP who needs to leave a toxic situation – but still can’t – navigate effectively in an environment that exposes them to a lot of criticism?
The following three suggestions, drawn from personal experience and research, are intended to help HSPs do more than simply survive a hellish situation. hypercritical (and/or conflicted) personbut finding a way to flourish.
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1. Choose yours prosperity above theirs.
The people we love and choose to love us become the focus of our lives. We share unforgettable moments with them and the memories of these interactions last a lifetime. Over the years, we draw our self-esteem, endurance, and even our ability to help others from such memories. This is what matters in life: Building memories with loved ones.
On the other hand, a hypercritical person (boss, friend, aunt, etc.) who treats us badly – because of the struggle with them. underlying trauma or anxiety – there is not who (or what) is most important in life.
At work, you might tell your boss that you’re not feeling well and need to go home early. But they insist that you “stick it out” and work anyway, which makes you feel bad for even asking. (They might even say something like, “What, you can’t take it? I’m sick.”)
So you do it – but you feel worse later. Next time you tell yourself to put it on you and yours needs first, not your boss (which is easier said than done, like HSPs tend to like people), but you know you’d feel better faster if you went home to rest.
I have found that if anything, in such a situation the important thing is how I decides to see and treat the misbehaving person. Am I able to distance myself from their angry words and behavior and see them for who they really are? If I can, which is not always easy, I am able to look at them with clear vision and realize that they are in pain.
As an HSP, seeing someone in pain triggers empathy, and empathy turns anger into understanding.
So when I’m not caught in the web of my own emotionsI am able to speak with genuine empathy, as I let the overly critical person know that I expect them to treat me with the same respect that I treat them with.
I admit, I don’t always manage to see unjustly critical people so clearly. But I find that when I spend a lot of my free time with non-critical loved ones and friends and focus more on my relationships with them, the overly critical person becomes nothing more than a minor irritation.
Essentially, creating a rich and meaningful life outside of the toxic person (or people) seems key. (Unfortunately, Highly sensitive people often end up in toxic relationshipswhich is good to keep in mind.)
2. Take a breath and then take some time to recalibrate.
A technique HSPs can use hurtful criticism when they stop for a moment to catch their breath and wrap their heads around how they would respond to what was said.
After all, there is no shame in slowing down the processing of what happened. This can be incredibly helpful for an HSP who has just suffered a devastating blow to their self-esteem and needs a moment alone to re-evaluate their thoughts and feelings.
Stepped and “doing nothing” can help we decide whether the criticism has aspects that are well-intentioned. (I know, this can be difficult – and there is a difference constructive feedback and constructive criticism.)
And maybe it allows us to accept the fact that the person (be it our boss, colleague, co-parent at our children’s school) has verbally abused us, which is wrong and needs to be stung as quickly as possible.
In any case, politely walking away can help you stay calm and keep the interaction under control.
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3. Take a strong stand against harassment and abuse.
If you recognize that someone’s criticism has crossed a line, especially if they are in a position of authority over you, such as your boss, let them know that you have zero tolerance for bullying or abuse. I know this can be difficult and you may feel intimidated, but letting it continue is not good for your mental health. This can lead you there feelings of rejection and isolation, low self-esteem, even anxiety and depression. Plus, it allows the bully to get away with potentially bullying others.
But how do you know if someone is bullying you, whether it’s your supervisor or another PTA mom? It belongs to some signs imbalance of strength and repetition.
For an HSP, the process of finding out if we are really being bullied is stressful in itself. And then the thought of taking action and talking about what we experience can be downright scary.
This can be helped by having someone you trust. We might consider talking things over with a trusted friend, a supervisor (if the bullying is happening at work), and seeing a therapist. This can help us organize and validate our feelings. It can also help you develop a plan of action to confront the bully and/or get out of the situation.
Transcending Criticism and Reclaiming Peace as an HSP
Dealing with an overly critical person can break the problem daily pleasure we HSPs can experience it anyway. Although it takes time, there are ways we can regain our peace by making efforts to enrich our lives with people, places, and experiences that create good feelings, such as love and growth.
When we do this, we gain perspective and the drama that unfolds with the hypercritical person becomes much less important. We can also take practical steps to curb emotionally abusive behavior in its early stages by taking a moment to pull ourselves together when it happens and then reaching out to the appropriate workplace officials.
My fellow HSPs, I want to know how you deal with hypercritical people. Feel free to comment below!
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