Sometimes your passion for your career overrides your discomfort, such as being an introvert in a people-oriented role.
Let’s talk about how to be successful all day by interacting with people… when you secretly hate being around people. (Okay, “hate” is a strong word, but you know what I mean!)
I’ve known that I’m an introvert since I was a child. My sister loved spending time with friends and going to sleepovers. I would beg him, “Don’t just want it stay home? We can watch movies!!” He would look at me in disgust. “No way!”
It felt so comforting to be at home with nothing to do and to spend time with my family. I was perfectly happy to be home—and I wished my siblings felt the same way. Plus, I’m known as “the quiet one” among my friends. “I just have nothing to say…” I would tell them shyly.
Years later, I planned all the good things I would say to my high school friends when they asked what I did over the weekend. I actually watched a marathon Spring Break on MTV. I dreaded having to spend time with people, especially with people I wasn’t particularly close to or in a place I didn’t know.
Fortunately, of course I married an extrovert. He gets nervous when we’re not around people and would love to have social gatherings every weekend. He makes friends with everyone. The local grocery store knows your birthday, and the people at Chipotle start to worry if you don’t see it in a few days. I suffer in silence to make sure he’s happy…but let’s just say the COVID-19 pandemic hasn’t changed my preference to stay indoors and socially distance myself from others.
Wait, you’re a therapist?!
I work as a therapist. I know, right?! Why would someone who doesn’t like being around people spend most of their life around people?
I think so my passion for therapy – and the desire to help change – overrides my discomfort. I learned it at the beginning of my career that I would need to make major changes to survive the energy required to do so.
The first thing I need to point out is: no hate people. I care a little about them. It’s just that you need a tons of energy to be around others. I don’t feel energized when I spend time in social situations; I feel drained and exhausted.
For anyone who knows what it’s like to work in mental health, most people start working in an agency, such as a hospital or community mental health center. Productivity is a very high expectation, and as a new therapist a typical day could involve nine hours and eight one-hour sessions with eight different clients, five days a week. (Yes, you read that right!)
Many times I would get home around 8pm and feel completely drained. I would have just enough time to sleep… and I would do it again! So here’s what I’ve learned in 20 years survive – and thrive – in a people-oriented job (even as an introvert!).
5 Ways to Survive a People-Oriented Job as an Introvert
1. Set boundaries (and actually follow them).
The only way a person can handle the amount of energy it takes to work in a people-centered job—and spend several hours a day listening, responding attentively, and holding space for other people’s emotions—is if clear boundaries are in place. I understand that this is much more difficult early in your career than later.
For example, as a therapist, I couldn’t organize my schedule when I work at an agency. However, I was able to limit my weekly intake: I could schedule my own clients and monitor who I was seeing each day. I could use both vacation and paid vacation wisely, and I made sure to schedule enough downtime for myself when I was free in the evenings and weekends.
If there was a particular client who was particularly challenging, I would definitely send them out to get the care they needed (and it also helps protect myself). I took care of my sleep, I eat properly and I exercise at least once a week in order to tolerate stressors as well as possible. When I got home from a long day at work, I had to tell my husband that I needed an hour of silence. I meant for the time to quit hole in my introverted sanctuaryand I don’t feel like I have to pay attention to anything (or anyone) during this time.
2. Practice mindfulness, whether it’s meditation, reading positive affirmations, or whatever works best for you.
The more I can maintain a positive attitude, the calmer and more focused I feel. I would do it practice mindfulness in the morning before a day full of clients. I thought about how I should spend my day, how I should feel, and positive thoughts and intentions.
I then spent about 10-15 minutes visualizing the day, hearing positive words of affirmation. I think about potential problems and how I would deal with them. I would even imagine the worst and plan how I would react. After all, we are Introverts like to think things through before they speak!
This way I can start my day feeling ready, prepared and in control (an introvert’s favorite thing). I heard my positive words all day. I also spent a few minutes between sessions reminding myself of them and feeling the power of those words. I would focus on all the good things about the day and that would help me stay energized.
I often left those long days to myself to feel better than a day. I knew it would have been easy to give in to stress, exhaustion, and dread. However, the more I fought against it and focused on the good, the better I felt and the more I could take.
Do you ever struggle to know what to say?
Someone asks, “Why are you so quiet?” A co-worker corners me when you are exhausted. A friend strives to plan you don’t have the energy for it.
Later he thinks I wish I had said something.
I’ve been there too. That’s why I created it Confident introverted scripts.
That’s over 150 ready-to-use phrases time spent alone, protection of boundaries, energies, social life, etc. The guide is provided by feedback from therapists and introverted colleagues to make sure it really helps when your mind goes blank.
40% discount For introverts, Dear Readers. Use the code TRUST at the checkout.
Click here to purchase the guide.
3. Know what helps you recharge.
For me, this was the easiest part of being an introvert: I knew exactly what helped me recharge and relaxed. I spent the day reading a really good book (and not something related to work). It sat in a quiet place and I enjoyed my first cup of coffee in the morning. I took my dog for a walk in the morning and in the evening. I passed the time with my favorite TV show without any other plans. It was to go to dinner with a loved one or to cook dinner together. It was ice cream making, crocheting, or to learn to play the piano.
It’s been really helpful for me to make sure I stick to something like the above in between social activities or during a stressful work day. The only hard thing I’ve had to learn about this over the years is that there’s nothing wrong with needing these (often solitary) activities to make me feel better. We are under a lot of pressure in this fast-paced, loud, busy, social society in which we live. Just because we introverts prefer to spend some time in a quiet place away from others doesn’t mean we enjoy it “wrongly” or “wrongly”.
I’ve learned that I can enjoy social outings much more if I limit the number of interactions I have planned and also make sure I have time for myself. That’s my reward—and I enjoy it much more after spending time and energy being there for others.
4. Embrace your introverted superpowers, like active listening and problem solving.
believe it or not being an introvert really does give us superpowers: we are excellent students, detail-oriented, excellent at thinking about decisions and solving problems. As a result, being an introvert helps us to be very good at relationships. One example of this is that 99.9 percent of us hate superficial speech. Because of this, you only feel comfortable forming real, authentic, intimate relationships with others.
In addition, we require quite little maintenance. We’re totally fine with seeing friends every once in a while, aren’t we every single night. No pressure at all! Who wouldn’t want such a person as a friend or partner?
Being an introvert has really helped me excel in my career and will be an amazing therapist. I’ve learned to be able to embrace my introverted superpowers and use them for good – while protecting myself (and my energy). I hope everyone else who identifies as an introvert can too.
5. Practice staying outside your comfort zone.
Okay, please don’t get mad at me for saying this, fellow introverts, but… I think it’s good to push yourself every once in a while! I know it’s easy for us to avoid certain things—like that Friday night get-together when we don’t know anyone. But avoiding uncomfortable situations can limit us if we rarely try to step out of our introverted comfort zones (both personally and professionally).
You will never be an extrovert (and me neither) and that’s okay. However, you can try doing something unpleasant and see if it pays off. In one week, I went to a business networking group (didn’t know a single person there), had a full day interview with a potential employer, met some new clients in person, and started my blog! Do I know who this crazy is?!
Although I wouldn’t recommend it all maybe one or two new things can be done at the same time from these things! And if you don’t, just go right back to lounging in your PJs, turn on that show you’ve been dying to watch, and bask in a glorious sense of peace and bliss. You can practice socializing tomorrow. (Right?) 
Want to learn more about the mental health strategies I discovered as a trauma therapist? Please see my blog at TherapistSecrets.com.
