Highly sensitive people can be “superstars” of emotional intelligence. Can this also make us more successful?
One thing I always notice when I spend time with a group of Highly Sensitive People (HSP) is how skilled they are at picking up on what the group needs, what they need individually, and how to subtly move the group in a direction that serves those needs. Groups of HSPs are almost always compassionate, empathetic, and able to move forward toward goals that are negotiated and mutually agreed upon by everyone.
As a psychologist, I recognize these behaviors as examples of emotional intelligence. part of it why HSPs are able to succeed and thriveit’s emotional intelligence and how it helps you take care of yourself, connect well with others, and effectively move toward your goals.
What is emotional intelligence (EI)?
Emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to notice, understand, manage, and use emotions to relate to others and communicate effectively. High emotional intelligence allows you to build relationships between people, get people on your side, and overcome conflicts. Low emotional intelligence may mean you struggle with your own and others’ emotions, or struggle to maintain close relationships. For this reason, some experts believe that emotional intelligence is more important than cognitive intelligence for success in life.
The term emotional intelligence I push back to a 1990 research study that looked at how managing emotions “intelligently” helped people relate to others and supported their own mental health. EI has been viewed as something that fills the gaps in the traditional understanding of what has helped people succeed in their work and personal lives.
The concept of EI gained widespread attention when Daniel Goleman appeared his book, Emotional intelligence. Goleman suggested that a person’s EI can increase by acquiring skills in five areas of emotional intelligence: self-awareness; self-regulation; intrinsic motivation; social skills; and empathy.
In general, higher emotional intelligence is associated with:
- Better mental health
- Happier, more meaningful relationships
- Better to be a leader
- Better performance at work
- The ability to work with people, compromise and overcome challenges as a group
In other words, emotional intelligence can help uncover career success and overall happiness.
Do highly sensitive people have higher emotional intelligence than others? Not necessarily. HSPs tend to have very strong emotionswhich is challenging when we learn to manage our emotions instead of being overwhelmed by them. But we are natural at noticing—and understanding—emotions, and we are capable of developing very high emotional intelligence. In fact, our wiring as HSPs gives us an advantage in all five areas of EI.
Let’s look at how some areas of emotional intelligence work for HSPs to succeed in life.
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How HSPs use the 5 domains of emotional intelligence
1. Self-awareness
Emotional intelligence is based on emotional self-awareness. HSPs are gifted at introspection. We are born with a tendency to think deeply and make connections between the many things observed, felt, and perceived so that HSPs are naturally aware of our emotional lives.
We can increase our emotional self-awareness by getting out of our heads, especially when we feel overwhelmed by emotions. Using body-centered approaches, so-called somatics, can help deepen our knowledge of how emotions appear in our bodies. Some have found it that when we look for opportunities to experience fear, when we are in a state of wonder, as if seeing a breathtaking sight, as well as the sublime, then these also help us to be more emotionally self-aware.
Emotional self-awareness helps us understand ourselves and our reactions to other people and life situations. This awareness lays the foundation for the next area of EI, self-regulation.
2. Self-regulation
Studies show that that the The brains of highly sensitive people process emotional stimuli fasterbut can inhibit our responses more quickly. In other words, we quickly observe more, but we can also quickly control our responses to emotions (our own or someone else’s). At the heart of self-regulation is this ability to respond to what we feel.
Self-regulation involves active behavior managing our emotions and our perception of life, to remain flexible in the face of changeand to achieve goals, even in the face of obstacles. I often tell my clients that self-regulation means recognizing the difficulties of being an HSP while making choices. develop skills to deal with these challenges.
Strong self-regulation skills are the foundation for better mental and physical health. Managing ourselves allows us to commit to a healthy lifestyle. We often use humor to manage stress and ease relationship tensions. However, we do not avoid pain and suffering, as we have the skills to cope with difficult emotions.
3. Internal motivation
Another way sensitive people have emotional intelligence is that our brains are more active in areas related to attention and action planning. research found. This activity feeds our intrinsic or intrinsic motivation to achieve goals.
In contrast, some people are more extrinsically motivated by things like status and extrinsic rewards. As intrinsically motivated people, HSPs can create and stick to our own self-development plan, career path, or relationship direction. We have an inner drive to find our purpose and determine the next steps required to complete it.
Intrinsic motivation is also related to better academic and work performance. I see our internal motivation as part of what drives HSPs to engage in meaningful activities, self-improvement, creative pursuitssocial justice activities, and spiritual/religious practices. Although these activities are often not rewarded or even noticed by the outside world, HSPs excel in these areas and need little external reinforcement to engage.
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4. Social skills
The impetus for the early research on emotional intelligence that I cited earlier was to understand why some bright and educated people floundered at work, while others (who were apparently less intelligent or from less educated backgrounds) were able to excel. EI the research highlighted that social skills are the key to effective relationships and leadership roles.
And HSPs have plenty of social skills. This is partly due to the fact that our brains are more responsive to people than non-HSP brains. studies have found. They also nurture our social skills our emotional responses to others and our tendency to think deeply about the connections and relationships within and between communities.
HSPs are social builders, able to bring people together for a common cause, like activism. We have a knack for making people feel heard and valued. We naturally move towards fairness and equity. When we look at ways to resolve conflict through restorative justice, the inevitable conflicts that arise in relationships or groups ultimately lead people to greater understanding, closeness, and common purpose. These skills serve us at work and as volunteers, managersand participants in deep, meaningful relationships.
5. Empathy
The ultimate domain of emotional intelligence, empathy is a trademark of highly sensitive people. Research shows that that the empathy of HSPs is related to greater activity of mirror neurons in the HSP brain in response to depictions of distressing emotions.
Unlimited empathy can get you there burn-out, compassion fatigueor codependency. However, when HSPs develop skills in the other four areas of emotional intelligence—self-awareness, self-regulation, intrinsic motivation, and social skills—they can dynamically balance how emotionally sensitive they are to others and what they personally need to feel good. As a result, empathy becomes a source of connection and empowerment, rather than a drain on the HSP’s resources.
Empathy defines the success of HSPs. We care, deeply and widely. We are the ones who move us to action when we witness suffering, injustice, isolation and unmet need. Our empathy is a key value around which we focus our actions.
As a very sensitive friend of mine told me, “I can’t help but care about the world.” And indeed, the world needs health care providers who have the emotional intelligence to care for, feel and treat themselves. act for change and make a difference in the world.
Defining Your Own Success as an Emotionally Intelligent HSP
Perhaps you recognize the areas of emotional intelligence in which you want to improve. The good news is therapy (which is important for HSPs in general)executive coaching, self-help, and practice can help you develop greater competence in all five areas of EI. (Actually research suggests (that highly sensitive people get an even greater boost from these types of activities than others.)
In the meantime, you can use your skills to define your own version of success. Fortunately, no two HSPs are alike, so you can find your roles, leverage your unique strengths, and make an impact on the world that only you can.
Be the next great politician with a true heart for your constituents. Raise loving, empathetic, truth-oriented children. Voluntary. Start a nonprofit and transform your community. Touch the heart of an HSP who is suffering and lead them to greater self-compassion.
Your emotional intelligence is part of your superpowers as an HSP. Don’t let it go to waste.
To learn how to use your emotional intelligence to grow as an HSP, visit my site website for free resources or to arrange a consultation.
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