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“When you get up in the morning, think about what a precious privilege it is to be alive – to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.” ~Marcus Aurelius
Gratitude.
It used to be a very triggering concept for me, and sometimes still is.
It’s been a process of deciphering what it means to me and getting through the days when I’m in active trauma or grief, when I feel like I have nothing to be grateful for. It’s okay to be in such places.
Gratitude is just one of the many tools I use to change my perspective on my circumstances (if I can) and feel a little better – and it’s one of the things that has kept me alive.
Statistically, I shouldn’t be here. Not only alive, but also healthy and safe.
Do you know the ACE (adverse childhood experiences) test? Yeah, well, I took (pun intended) this test. Ten out of ten, which gives me the bonus of… I have a significantly higher chance of mental, physical and behavioral problems and a lower life expectancy.
My entire childhood was a tornado of chaos. I had parents who were heavily addicted to crack. physically, sexually and emotionally abused. Drug dealers were in and out of the apartment. It was a common phenomenon that the employees of the Children’s Aid Service dropped in for a visit.
I didn’t know if I would come home from school, be nine years old, and have my parents die of an overdose. Sometimes they wouldn’t leave their room for days, which filled me with anxiety that felt like a heavy stone in my stomach.
Family and friends are either in prison, on the streets, addicted, or dead prematurely.
Sometimes we got evicted, and sometimes I didn’t have anything to eat, so I hid packets of oatmeal in my room in case of emergency. Like I said, chaos. Maybe you can relate to it?
This is where gratitude came into play. It doesn’t seem like anything to be grateful for in the midst of this nightmare I’ve been living in, does it? Well, call it delusional optimism, call it whatever, but I have found things to be grateful for.
Oh, did a teacher say they believed in me? Grateful. Oh, I had lunch today and dinner? Grateful. Are mom and dad alive today? Grateful. I was not beaten today; I am grateful.
You see, I firmly believe that surviving my childhood instilled in me an extraordinary sense of gratitude that I carry with me to this day. And I think we all have that, but sometimes we don’t have access to it, and that’s okay. However, when we can, it can be beautiful.
Sometimes I’m so grateful I can barely stand it and I cry happy tears. Do I live in my own safe home where I can go into the kitchen and buy what I want to eat without fear of being beaten? Wow. It doesn’t even have to be associated with trauma or grief, it’s a feeling of gratitude. You mean I can turn on the faucet and get clean water on demand? Grateful.
I have all my limbs. i see i can write i can read I have a smartphone. i can drive Grateful.
Sometimes stopping for a moment and thinking about the things we are grateful for, if we can, can literally change our brains. The more we think about things we are grateful for, the more we begin to notice and see the things we can be grateful for. This will be our default programming.
Please listen here. I’m not suggesting that we pretend everything is sunshine and rainbows. (But when was the last time you noticed and appreciated a rainbow?) We all hurt. Things happen, bad things.
Sexual Harassment Survivors, Hi, How Are You? i see you Domestic violence survivors, hi, nice to meet you. i hear I’m with you.
Life is awfully hard, and if anyone gets that, I do. She has a diagnosis of PTSD, which is a lifelong friend that I have had to learn to accept. Sometimes I feel like I’m throwing my gratitude out the window.
But I know it makes a huge difference in my mental state, so I’m still working on it.
Here are some practical steps and lessons I’ve learned from gratitude. Please don’t take these as things to follow and judge yourself on the gratitude scale. If these things are not available to you, that’s fine.
Starting (and ending) your day with gratitude is powerful.
Starting the day with gratitude can set the rest of the day on a positive note. It doesn’t have to be a complicated, time-consuming ritual; It only takes a second in the morning when you open your eyes. You can take a second just for yourself; you deserve this.
To keep it really simple, just think of one thing you’re grateful for – anything. It sounds cliche, but what about the fact that you could open your eyes and see? If you can write it down, even better, that’s my next tip.
Write it down.
If you can start writing down things you are grateful for, try it. Writing things down allows you to track, go back, look at, and remember all the small and big things you’re grateful for. You can carry a small notebook, keep one by your bed, or jot things down on your phone—whatever is most accessible to you.
Have fun with it.
Be silly and imaginative about the things you are grateful for; the little kid inside will thank you. Can you watch a cartoon or read a book that made you happy as a child? This can be a moment of gratitude. Do you do a little happy dance while brushing your teeth just because you can move your body? This could be another one. It can be anything.
Be gentle with yourself on the hard days.
Some days are hard and we only have so much energy to barely make it through the day. Sometimes even the word “gratitude” can be overwhelming and we can’t think of things to be thankful for. That’s fine. Let yourself feel how you feel and try to be gentle with yourself. That’s enough, my friends.
The beauty of finding things to be grateful for is that the more you practice, the more it becomes a habit and a game, and the easier it becomes. You may begin to look at situations in your life differently.
If you are in a difficult situation or season right now, whether you are dealing with abuse, bereavement, divorce, loss, health issues, or just going about your normal life, I want you to know that I see you and understand how hard it is. I’ve been there and I’ll be there again.
If you can access gratitude, it can be a supportive tool. If you can’t access it, that’s fine. Please listen: if you don’t or can’t feel gratitude, then there is nothing wrong with you and you are not doing healing wrong.
Here are three things I am grateful for today.
I am grateful to be able to write this message to you, my heated blanket, and the hummingbirds playing outside my window. It’s your turn – if you can and it’s available to you, please leave a few things you’re grateful for in the comments below. I’d like to hear them.
Take care, beautiful people.
About Jade Dorrington
Jade Dorrington is a writer living in the land of the Lekwungan-speaking peoples, also known as Victoria, British Columbia. He has an insatiable curiosity about the world and always has a book on the go. When she’s not writing, she enjoys being outside, traveling to new places, and moving her body in ways that make her happy.
