I still remember standing in a bustling market in Chiang Mai, long before I stumbled upon mindfulness on the floor of a warehouse in Melbourne. I froze in front of fifty almost identical mango stalls and ran my mind through all the possible variables: Which was the cheapest? Most mature? The sweetest? Would buying two be too much? Does this make me “that tourist” who wastes food?
A nearby tuk-tuk driver chuckled. “Just pick one, mate – a mango is a mango.”
And at that moment I realized something unpleasant: the paralysis was not due to the mango. It was about my obsession with getting every choice right. Psychologists have a name for this way of thinking –maximization— the exhausting pursuit of the perfect choice, even in situations that do not warrant it. The irony is that this constant mental overdrive often obscures the clarity we strive for.
Of course, modern self-help gives us tools – pro-con lists, decision matrices, time frames. But what helped me the most was nothing new. It was something ancient: a practice in Buddhist psychology known as the Three Gates of Right Speech. Monks use this to decide whether to speak, but I’ve found it works just as well to combat decision fatigue.
The 3-question Buddhist filter
| Gate | Classic source | Decision making translation |
|---|---|---|
| true? | Abhaya Sutta, MN 58– Buddha tells Prince Abhaya that true speech cannot be disputed. | Does the story in my head match the observable facts, or is it a projection of fear/ego? |
| Necessary? | Anguttara Nikāya 3,183– “Speak what is useful at the right time.” | Do you really have to choose now, or can it unfold on its own? |
| Kind/clever? | Good intention on the Eight Path (SN 45.8). | Does this option reduce suffering—for me and others—or amplify it? |
Below, we’ll walk through each of the gates, then conclude with a 5-minute exercise to incorporate them into your daily life.
1. Is it true?
“Of course it’s true – we have the screenshots!”
This was my knee-jerk reaction when a team member questioned a change we wanted to make to one of our dashboards. But after a second look, the dramatic drop in traffic I saw turned out to be nothing more than a weekend blip. If I had acted on that assumption, I would have wasted hours—and probably annoyed a few people in the process.
This moment reminded me how easy it is to confuse anxiety with accuracy. In Buddhism, Better view it starts with seeing things as they really are—not through the lens of fear or urgency. THE Satipatthāna Sutta it teaches us to treat thoughts as “just thoughts”—mental events, not facts.
There is a similar practice in psychology: we learn to slow down and control the story we tell ourselves. Because often it’s not the situation, but the narrative that gets stuck.
Try this quick reset:
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Name the story: “If I don’t fix it now, I’ll lose readers.”
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Name the data: Traffic returned to normal within 12 hours.
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Someone neutral controls: They often catch us making leaps of logic that we are too close to.
When the story doesn’t survive the first gate, the whole decision often melts away with it.
2. Is it necessary?
I was recently debating whether to start another Facebook group for one of our niche sites. I spent hours sketching plans and making mockups – until my wife casually asked, “Wait, the current funnel is broken too?”
It wasn’t. I just wanted to tinker.
It’s here not attachment Buddhism does not ask us to suppress ambition, but to loosen our grip. According to the Buddha, even dharma is like a raft: once it helps you cross a river, you don’t tie it to your back and carry it any further.
The same goes for bright ideas. Not all opportunities are worth taking advantage of.
Try this login:
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Deadline check: Is there a real border lock or am I making one up?
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Opportunity cost: what will i do not if I decide like this today?
If the urgency subsides under gentle control, you’ve probably saved yourself a ton of unnecessary stress—and saved your energy for the things that really matter.
3. Kind – or clever?
Years ago, I almost signed a lucrative advertising deal that would have filled our sanity with weight loss teas. The money looked great. But something wasn’t right.
This is where gate 3 came in.
In Buddhism, ahimsa“Harmless” does not mean “nice”. It’s about choosing actions that reduce suffering and ripple outwards blamelessly. It’s about skillful tools, not moral rank.
In practice, this gate often reveals itself in the body before the mind catches up. Tight chest. Sinking bowel. It’s a nagging feeling that something isn’t right, even when the numbers look good.
Some indications:
When the answer worries you, it’s often wiser to revise the plan—or walk away altogether.
Putting the filter together in real life (5 minute drill)
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Breathe and label: Two slow breaths. Silently name the thought: “planning,” “worry,” “rush.”
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Run through the gates: true? Necessary? Species?
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Choose or schedule: When all three gates open – go. If one gets stuck, set a microtask and visit later.
I’ve been using this drill every day for years, and it’s not only changed the way I make decisions, but also how I approach them. When I shared it with my friends and teammates, many told me that he got over the “decision confusion” almost immediately, sometimes within days.
Personal note: what changed for me
The funny thing? When I started using this filter regularly, everything in my life seemed a little easier. Not because the chaos disappeared – but because I didn’t feed it as much.
I’ve stopped ending work days feeling drained. I’ve stayed clean enough to chat in Vietnamese with my wife’s family over dinner (I’m still butchering the voices – but at least I’m present).
This filter didn’t make me perfect. It just gave me room to breathe, reassess, and act from a safer place.
If you found this useful, I’ll cover more decision-making tools like this in my book, The Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How to Live with Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego. A guide to ancient insight into modern noise—without the need for a monastery or meditation cushion.
Common Excuses (and Gentle Answers)
| Excuse | Response |
|---|---|
| “The three questions cannot cover complex decisions such as expanding a business.” | They do not replace strategy, but are a warm-up. They help you see clearly before you immerse yourself in data and design. |
| “Kindness is too subjective.” | Sure – but perfection isn’t the point. This is the exercise of discernment. The more you ask, the more accurate your compass will be. |
| “The break slows me down.” | In fact, it often breaks early it speeds things up later. It’s like sharpening a knife before cutting. |
When the filter is not working
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Dependency loops: If the decision is driven by dopamine (browsing, gambling, etc.), gates may be bypassed. This is where outside support – accountability or professional help – can make a difference.
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Emotional outpouring: When triggered or overloaded, rational gates are offline. In such cases, grounding comes first – breathing, movement or simply time.
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Unsafe Teams: If your group cannot speak openly, the investigation will fail. Before using the filter on a large scale, invest in trust.
Sizing the gates
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Team meetings: Now we start the Monday stand-ups with a 60-second silence, and then filter the big proposals through the three gates. Meetings became shorter and more relaxed.
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Advertising partners: All offers are screened at Gate 3. Revenues remained strong and reader complaints declined.
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Home: My wife and I now also run our baby purchases through the filter. It turns out that the Gate 2 is great at saying no to $900 gadgets.
Last thought
Overthinking is natural. The mind thinks worry = control. But Buddhism offers a softer truth: pure intention beats endless analysis.
The Three Gates does not guarantee a perfect result. They simply help you move cleanly, fairly and calmly – even when things are uncertain.
Try it for a week. Only one week. And the next time you’re faced with fifty mango stands—or fifty business decisions—remember the tuk-tuk driver’s advice:
“Just pick one, buddy.” A mango is a mango.
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