How you define yourself can help you change or achieve. This is the topic of the week Better, with the support of Science.
Most of us try to change our behavior by focusing on results.
I want to be fitter.
I want to write more.
I would like to be kinder, calmer, more present.
So we set goals.
We make plans.
We try to force ourselves to follow.
And sometimes it works…for a while.
But often it doesn’t last. You may have noticed.
Why?
Because there is something deeper at play – something that the science of behavior change is increasingly pointing to:
Lasting change is less about that What yes… and more about who you think you are.
Let me explain.
The Science Bit
Psychologists have found that behaviors tied to identity are more stable than those driven solely by results.
In other words:
- “I’m trying to run” is fragile
- “I’m a runner” is permanent
This is a so-called self-concept… your inner sense of who you are.
Once a behavior becomes part of your identity, your brain begins to prefer consistency with that identity. Coordinated action seems natural. Acting against this is an unpleasant feeling.
So instead of relying on motivation (which comes and goes), it relies on identity – and that tends to stick.
Why does this matter?
It explains a lot of everyday struggles.
If you try:
- exercise more, but don’t think of yourself as a “trainer”
- talk more, but don’t think of yourself as a “confident person”
- you prefer rest, but you see yourself as “someone who is always pushing himself”
…then every action seems like an upward climb.
But identity shifts—even slightly—and behavior often follows.
Not perfectly. Not immediately.
But more naturally.
So how do we make the switch?
A simple shift that changes everything
Instead of asking:
“What should I do?” (e.g. “I need to practice more.”)
Try asking:
“Who will I become?” (ie “I’m the type of person who enjoys exercise.”)
And then take a small step that aligns with that identity.
Try it today
Choose a goal that interests you.
Now rewrite as identity. For example:
“I want to practice more” → “I am a person who regularly moves my body”
“I want to be kinder” → “I’m the type of person who looks for ways to help”
“I would like to write more” → “I am a writer”
Now – just once today – act in accordance with this identity. Then remind yourself that you are doing it because you are that type of person. In other words, if you write today, affirm to yourself that it is because you are a writer.
That’s it. No pressure to transform your life.
Just one small, identity-consistent action.
Because every time you act on that identity, you are voting on the kind of person you are becoming.
The Deeper Truth
We often think:
“I’ll believe it when I see it.”
But behavior change often works the other way around:
“You’ll see if you start believing in it – and act accordingly.”
References (for those who want to explore further)
Daphna Oyserman (2009). Identity-based motivation and consumer behavior. Journal of Consumer Psychology, 19(3), 250–260. Link.
Daphna Oyserman (2015). Identity-based motivation. Link.
I also recommend the book. Atomic habitsby James Clear. This is a popular synthesis of identity-based habit change research. Link.
