Western society encourages us to make decisions with the mind and ignore feedback from other members of the system.
Success starts with a goal. Goals are followed by decisions. Decisions are followed by actions. Actions lead to success.
It’s logically simple. But what separates the actions that lead to success from those that don’t?
Think of a time when realllllyyyyy you wanted something, but somehow got stuck halfway and started procrastinating and self-sabotaging your way out. And how about another time when achieving your goal went smoothly and you successfully got there while feeling empowered and enthusiastic?
What is the most important difference that determines whether our actions succeed or fail?
Taking it a step further, what is the main difference that determines whether achieving our goals is a stressful and painful experience, or easy and fun?
As extremely sensitive people (HSPs) experience everything more deeply – our successes and especially our failures. While they all have their purpose, is there a secret ingredient that can increase your success rate?
I want to introduce a component that is particularly important to HSPs: what I call the Mind-Body-Heart system.
What is the mind-body-heart system?
Well, as the name suggests, it is a system. Like any system, this means that it consists of several parts that must work together. If there is a disconnection between certain parts, the system will not work properly.
Think of the Mind-Body-Heart system as a car. A car contains many elements that are needed to successfully reach your destination (to take you from where you are). Likewise, the Mind-Body-Heart system must work together to get us from where we are to where we want to be.
Think a Mind like car controls (pedals and steering wheel). Controls are necessary for driving. Without controls, we wouldn’t be able to decide how fast to go, when to slow down, brake or turn. If a car is driven without controlling speed or cornering, it would be unsafe and crash.
The mind also notices signals from the car, such as when it runs out of fuel or when a light on the dashboard flashes to indicate that something is wrong. The Mind’s job is to take action and set the wheels in motion, and to keep us safe while driving.
Ours Body car engine. The engine is the internal mechanism that actually makes the car work. Without an engine, there would be no car. The engine also indicates when something is wrong. If we drive the car correctly, it “purrs”. But if you’re going too fast, the engine will beep to warn you that you’re pushing too hard, or it may show other symptoms that indicate something isn’t working the way you want it to.
Think a Heart like starting a car. If we try to drive without starting the car, we may have a perfect engine and controls, but all our efforts will be in vain because we are not moving forward. The heart is what starts the engine and makes the controls work. Without igniting the Heart, we can steer and push all we want, but if our Heart is not in it, we will get nowhere.
These three parts must work together. If one part isn’t working properly, it can affect when we complete our journey, how we complete our journey – and whether we complete it at all!
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Why is the mind-body-heart system important?
As a Western society, we are encouraged to make decisions with our minds, but we are not so good at checking the rest of the system to make sure we get from A to B successfully. We are taught to ‘think logically’, ‘make a list of pros and cons’, ‘stop being emotional’ and ‘stop thinking with our heart’.
As an HSP we are deep feelingsbut often these repeated messages about approaching our goals logically compel us to change our thinking—thus disconnecting us from the feedback we receive from our hearts and bodies. Our heart decides whether we are enthusiastic and motivated to achieve our goals, or whether we are afraid of achieving them. If our heart is not in it, it sends us messages in the form of strong emotions or communicates with our body to express these as physical symptoms. When our heart is on board, the rest is driven by enthusiasm, passion and motivation.
It has been proven that strong emotions (and especially traumatic ones) are stored in the bodyand as HSPs we tend to notice very quickly when something is going on in our bodies.
In Western society, the preference is to numb physical symptoms with pills. There’s a pill for every symptom you can think of—and even symptoms you didn’t even know existed.
But as highly intuitive people, we understand that symptoms can have a deeper meaning. We experience physical sensations for a reason and they are trying to show us something. Our body is a powerful source of feedback and communicates with us through symptoms.
Even though these parts work as a system, they are all equally important, but we usually prefer one part of the system.
Think about how you will achieve your goals: How would you rank mind, heart, and body in order of preference? Do you tend to default to one part?
If you want to achieve your goals, this trinity must work in balance.
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Practical exercise
So how do we balance the mind-body-heart system and increase our chances of success?
Think of a specific goal you want to achieve. It could be eating healthy food, losing weight, getting an interview for your dream job, or being more confident at work. Grab a pen and a piece of paper, sit down in your comfortable chair or couch, grab your pet for a hug, and start writing.
Whatever your goal is, take these filters and do the necessary checks before you set off on your way to your goal.
Mind:
- What thoughts arise as counterarguments to this decision?
- What reassurance does my mind need to support me in this step?
- When have I done something outside of my comfort zone before and been successful?
- What actions/plan should I implement to maximize the potential for success?
- What obstacles might stand in your way?
- What needs to happen for me to overcome the obstacles?
Heart:
- What does my heart say about this goal?
- How do I feel about achieving this goal?
- If there were no obstacles, what would I do?
- What feelings come to mind when I think of this trip?
Body:
- What physical sensation do I feel when I think about this decision?
- Where is this feeling located in my body?
- What shape, color, temperature, texture is it?
- If I observe this shape from a distance and give it some time, what do I notice?
- What would my body tell me if it could talk?
- What needs to happen for my body to participate in achieving this goal?
When answering these questions, take a step back and consider:
Have you noticed that you have an easier time responding to a certain part (such as the mind) but struggle to get responses from other parts (the body)? Know that this is normal and it shows what you like. By connecting this musculature with parts of the system, you will become more adept at creating internal balance over time.
Answering questions about a certain section can feel uncomfortable or frustrating. This is also normal. By default, we choose the safety of our comfort zone, where everything is familiar. However, if we keep doing the same thing, we will keep getting the same results. To break out of our old patterns of self-sabotage, we need to embrace growth—and growth happens outside of our comfort zone. Accept these discomforts and take them as a sign of growth.
What did these questions reveal to you? Does one part disagree with the rest? What do you need to change to ensure you reach your goals? Sometimes we may think we know where we want to go, but if we ignore the fact that the car doesn’t have enough fuel, we risk getting stuck somewhere. As much as we may protest if a part is not on board, we do well to consider all the information it provides.
In the case of most goals, the application of the Mind-Body-Heart system and the above exercise will help you achieve them successfully. As HSPs, many of us are prone to self-criticism and fear of failure. If you have a big goal and don’t know where to start, or if you’re experiencing loud internal chatter that’s keeping you from focusing on your goals (or even doing the above exercise), then I invite you to download my free e-book titled. “7 Tools to Train Your Inner Critic.“
This is a deep inner journey that will help you understand your inner critic and start the journey of self-empowerment to achieve your desired goals.
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