Introverted people often find it difficult to express their thoughts quickly, but this is not a fault. Their brains do what they do best – dive deep.
Suddenly, the his colleague appears at my desk and asks a question. The look in his eyes and the urgency in his voice tell you that he wants an answer currently. Your question is simple, but it boggles my mind. I start sentences and then stop. I hesitate. I say things that are almost what i mean but not quite. I back off. My co-worker—an extrovert who seems to express himself easily—looks at me and says, Hurry up and spit it out! Inside, I silently beg: Why is my brain not working well?
Has this ever happened to you? If so, you are not alone. It’s hard to find the right words – especially if you do it on the spot – a common experience for many they are introverts. And there are good reasons for that…ones you might not expect.
The word retrieval challenge
The struggle to find the right word when you need it word search. It’s that frustrating moment when a familiar word suddenly becomes out of reach—even if you use it all the time. It’s like digging through a giant toy box for a particular game. You know exactly what it looks like, but you still have to rummage through everything else to find it.
Everyone has these moments, but word searches can be especially tricky for introverts because we process information deeply. We chew on ideas, turn them around and look at them from all sides. And when you’re deep in thought—even about something as simple as what to make for dinner—it can be hard to shift gears and speak. Unlike extroverts, many introverts do not “think out loud”. We process things internally. Quietly. Often without words.
This is why when we struggle with word searches, we may not be able to keep up with fast-talking extroverts. At work, people can mistakenly assume that we’re not confident, even if we know exactly what we’re talking about. Tendon schoolwe hesitate to raise our hands because it is difficult to put our thoughts into words on the spot.
The role of long-term memory
In his book The introverted advantageDr. Marti Olsen Laney offers another explanation for why introverts sometimes struggle to find the right words. This may be related to how we use our long-term memory.
As the name suggests, long term memory store information for a long time – possibly forever. But most of this information lives outside of our conscious awareness, so accessing it is not always easy. For example, try to remember your first day of kindergarten. Some details may come to mind immediately, but others will require a little more effort to recall.
On the contrary working memory (also known as short-term memory) is where we store information for a few seconds. It’s easy to access, but unless we intentionally move this information to long-term storage, it disappears quickly.
Interestingly, Laney notes that introverts rely more on long-term memory, while extroverts use their working memory more often. This means that extroverted people are more likely to have information “on the tip of their tongue”, ready to go. However, for introverts, they can bury it a little deeper.
The challenge is that digging into long-term memory takes time. You need the right “key” to unlock what you want to recall. For example, seeing a specific pair of shoes (the key) may remind you of your own childhood shoes—then milk spilled on them—and the first day of kindergarten. One memory leads to another like a chain reaction.
But all searches and linking takes time. And when you’re in a conversation, this delay can make it difficult to respond quickly, something many introverts experience.
How anxiety affects the speaking skills of introverts
When we’re nervous while trying to speak—like I was when that intimidating co-worker approached me—it can make it even harder to find and say the right words. Not everyone feels introverted anxious in social situationsbut many of us feel insecure. This is because we tend to think things through (sometimes we to overthink), and if we are among people, we can exhaust our energy – he refers to the infamous introverted hangover. In addition to all this, anxiety easily creeps in.
Anxiety you don’t just feel nervous or uncomfortable; it can also exhaust your brain and mess with your memory. When you are anxious, your body releases the stress hormone cortisol. Cortisol plays an important role in many bodily functions: it helps regulate the sleep/wake cycle, raises blood sugar when needed, provides quick bursts of energy, and even forms memories.
But here’s the problem: too much cortisol, especially from ongoing stress or anxiety, can backfire. When stress becomes chronic, Excess cortisol can make it harder to remember things. In fact, research shows that chronic stress can actually change the structure of the brain, including areas like the hippocampus, which is crucial for learning and memory.
So for introverts, anxiety adds another layer of difficulty. Not only does it make it difficult to speak in the moment, but over time, untreated stress can affect brain function and make it even more difficult to summon the right words when you need them.
Do you ever struggle to know what to say?
Someone asks, “Why are you so quiet?” A co-worker corners me when you are exhausted. A friend strives to plan you don’t have the energy for it.
Later he thinks I wish I had said something.
I’ve been there too. That’s why I created it Confident introverted scripts.
That’s over 150 ready-to-use phrases time spent alone, protection of boundaries, energies, social life, etc. The guide is provided by feedback from therapists and introverted colleagues to make sure it really helps when your mind goes blank.
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Why do introverts prefer writing?
In his pioneering book QuietSusan Cain points out that introverts “often feel that they express themselves better in writing than in conversation.” And he is right, because introverts are not uncommon among professional writers. Bestselling author John Green (The fault of our stars) once described writing as a solitary activity perfectly suited to introverts: people who “want to tell a story but don’t want to make eye contact.”
But it’s not just about writing novels. Many introverts prefer to text or email call or a personal meeting. Others turn to journaling as a way to process their thoughts and emotions more clearly.
So why Writing often seems easier than speaking to an introvert? According to Dr. Marti Olsen Laney, it has to do with how our brains work. Speaking and writing use different brain circuits, and the ones used for writing tend to work more smoothly for introverts. Writing gives us time to think, reflect, and choose our words carefully—all things that come naturally to the introverted mind.
What to do when your mind runs out
Memory is a complex process. The you brain it stores information in different areas and builds connections between them. As mentioned earlier, you need the right “key” to unlock something from long-term memory. The good news? Most memories are stored with multiple associations, so if you find just one key, the others often follow. As Dr. Marti Olsen Laney says, “If we find just one key, we can retrieve the entire memory.”
If you have trouble remembering a word, a fact or even something simple – like what you did at the weekend (a favorite chat theme) – try the following steps:
- Keep calm and relax. Give yourself permission to take a break. Don’t let the other person’s energy force you to respond immediately.
- Take time for yourself. say something “Let me think about it…” or “Hmm, give me a minute.” You can also give nonverbal cues that you’re thinking, such as looking away or frowning.
- Let your mind wander. Follow your thoughts wherever they go. One idea can lead to another and eventually help you retrieve the information you are looking for.
- Don’t beat yourself up. If the words still don’t come, try not to feel embarrassed. The brain does what it’s supposed to do – slow down, process and think. Quiet moments don’t mean something is wrong; they are just part of how deep thinkers operate.
If silence is awkward, try joking about being at a loss for words. Or let the person know you’re thinking about it and follow up later via email, text, or when you’ve had a moment to collect your thoughts.
Remember: Just because you’re quiet doesn’t mean your mind is empty. As Stephen Hawking once said, “Quiet people have the loudest minds.” 
