As much as introverts hate asking for help, it’s important to be vulnerable sometimes and open up to others.
If you have a hard time talking about your feelings, I can help. This can be a bit intimidating and even painful, especially if it’s a close relationship.
And although we Introverts like to spend time aloneas much as we love our own company, it’s important to share a bond with someone. It took me several failed (and almost failed) relationships to navigate this part of me. (I’m still navigating by the way…) So I’d like to share what I’ve learned in hopes that someone (like you) will learn from it. But first, let’s talk about vulnerability.
What it means to be vulnerable
Being vulnerable tools to put yourself in a position to be accepted, rejected or judged. The scariest thing of all is knowing that you can probably sense the other person’s reaction before they even speak. And there’s every chance you can climb back into that beautiful shell if you don’t like what you see.
i know i was there Shit, but usually worth it.
If your personal mantra continues to be “I’m good” to everyone around you, it won’t be long before you realize that you really not that’s good… and at the end of the day you’re on your own. And I don’t mean ‘I’m an introvert and I like my own company’.. I mean when, in the few moments you feel like sharing, the person (or people) you really want to talk to aren’t available to listen. It doesn’t feel good.
So here are some ways you can express your vulnerability as an introvert, even if it can be challenging at times.
6 ways to express vulnerability as an introvert
1. Be brutally open and honest (and yes, you can repeat what you want to say ahead of time).
I know – it’s not unusual to not want to talk since you’re an introvert. It is also expected that when you do it finally speak, you’ve done so much filtering that everything you say is calculated and almost rehearsed. This method works like magic in many situations, especially in the workplace, but can be a problem if you’re interpersonal romantic relationships.
Brutal honesty here means taking the first step by initiating the conversation. In this case, you already know exactly who you want to talk to. Then start with something direct like, “I want to talk, but I don’t know how to start. I’m still at work and it might take a while, but I really need to talk to you.”
It sounds silly and even looks silly, but that alone is enough to show emotion. He probably knows that you value him enough to want to talk to him and that you’re trying. Now, I’m not saying it’s going to be smooth sailing from here on out, especially if your boyfriend or partner is interested (which you might find annoying). I’m just saying it’s a big step forward ask for help as an introvert vs. he tries to handle all his problems on his own.
Have you ever struggled to know what to say?
Someone asks, “Why are you so quiet?” A co-worker corners me when you are exhausted. A friend strives to design it you don’t have the energy for it.
Later you think I wish I had said something.
I’ve been there too. That’s why I created it Confident introverted scripts.
That’s over 150 ready-to-use phrases time spent alone, protection of boundaries, energies, social life, etc. The guide is provided by feedback from therapists and introverted colleagues to make sure it really helps when your mind goes blank.
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2. First process your thoughts and feelings on paper, then (perhaps) send them.
As an introvert, you probably know how easy it is to turn to your trusty journal when you’re confused, in pain, happy, or even bored. You can still keep that energy and take it one step further. First, journal about how you feel. You can then translate these thoughts into an email, text, or even a written card or letter written to a friend or significant other. For us introverts, writing is often easier than speakingso that’s how you can be vulnerable without having to say it out loud!
I’ve done this a couple of times with my ex and I still have access to some of the written material I sent him. The few times I’ve returned to them, I’m always glad I made the move. Mostly because I know for a fact that the chances of me communicating certain feelings with spoken words were close to zero.
I’m not saying that writing is a substitute for communicating your thoughts and feelings out loud, but it’s a good alternative and good practice for when do it express your feelings openly.
3. If you are an artist, start with your art.
This is my biased opinion most introverts are artists and creatives. No one has been able to convince me otherwise, so I still believe in it. What is the one thing that calms you down despite the storm raging in your head? Write a story? Painting abstract or live images? Writing or scoring music?
Whatever it is, you can do it ease vulnerability by sharing, for example, your art. For years I was a reclusive writer—only my mother had the privilege and permission to read my work. If I found someone else had read it, I’d be crazy about what they thought of me after reading it, and no, I’d never ask. I just avoided them as much as humanly possible.
When I finally had the courage to willingly share my work with a larger group, it opened the door to conversations. And right now, I can’t count the number of relationships I’ve built and nurtured because my work built that relationship. So start small and share with us!
4. Live and be in the moment long enough to feel something, then share it with someone.
A lot of introverts have this thing where we build this perfect world in our head and make it our safe space. In times of pain, frustration, or confusion, we default to this place instead of taking the time to process what’s really going on around us.
Being vulnerable isn’t just about talking to people. It’s also about being true to yourself and admitting that you’re not okay at certain moments. Nobody likes pain (or anything close to it) but since none of us are invincible, sometimes we have to face the pain and talk through it. I know it’s a cliché, but there is strength in vulnerability.
So you can try to open up to yourself first by writing it all down – as I mentioned above – and then share these thoughts (at least some) with others. You’ll feel better, I promise. And I bet someone will be able to relate.
5. Use emotional vocabulary to express your feelings accurately.
I used to have a hard time expressing my feelings because I focused on logic rather than feelings. When he does this, he tends to speak facts and words do it give some information but not much about how it really is feeling.
Being vulnerable means focusing on your feelings of insecurity, sadness, shame, or what’s inside of you and describing exactly what it does to you. Don’t just talk about how your boss is mad that you submitted the project late – mention this he felt undervalued you are unsure of your competence as a member of the team. The difference is huge.
6. Encourage the vulnerability of people close to you.
Supporting the vulnerability of others is just as important as expressing it yourself. The good news is, as introverts, we’re almost too perfect for this. Listening is easy for usas is the feeling of caring and understanding others.
It may not seem like much to you, but the simple gesture of acknowledging the pain of others tells us that we can relate to what they are going through. Acknowledging understanding is akin to saying, “I felt that way too. It sucked, and I’m sorry you had to experience it. I’m happy to help when I can, even just to listen.” If that’s not vulnerability, I don’t know what is.
Why is it important to be vulnerable?
Introvert or not, it’s important for us to be vulnerable sometimes. Here are some reasons.
- It reminds people that you are human. I don’t mean some random person on the street; I mean, the people who matter those in your introverted inner circle who “get it”.. And you might think they know how you do it, but they probably don’t. Not really. So opening up to them will strengthen your relationship. Speaking of…
- It deepens your relationships. Relationships need vulnerability to thrive—giving you both someone to lean on when you’re feeling down, find help when you’re stuck, or just listen when things are a little fuzzy in your head. Again, it’s good to be alone, but you can’t ignore how a hug—and a sympathetic ear—makes you feel. (And I love hugs.)
- You feel lighter and more confident and understood. Managing everything on your own can sometimes feel like a heavy weight you can’t shrug off—almost like suffering in silence. If you can talk better when it matters, you will feel much better about many things and in many areas of life.
Independence is great in itself. I mean, what’s better than feeling independent while navigating various life situations? However, in order to have a real relationship – platonic, romantic, familial, or what have you – I have come to realize that vulnerability is one of the pillars of building a strong bond.
When was the last time you gave up your need for independence and let yourself crumble? Okay, maybe not crumble, but at least open up to someone for a little help? Try it out. 
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