The inner world of introverted children is alive and present for them. They deal with the deeper aspects of life.
Like one introvert child, I split my time between a small town in Minnesota and my imagination. I was content to spend whole afternoons alone, writing books on construction paper and daydreaming.
As a teenager, I had a group of friends that I loved but spent time with exhausted me. They didn’t seem to need as much alone time as was critical to my functioning. I convinced myself that they were normal and that I should try to be more like them.
I later found out that people like me have a name: introverts. Being an introvert means you get tired of socializing and he needs solitude to regain his energy. Introverts have some great qualities which extroverts may not have. Also, about half of people are introverts, meaning many of us are “quiet” in society.
As time went by, I changed a lot from the shy kid I used to be. I wrote two books: The Secret Life of Introverts and Sensitivewhich was named Amazon’s best book of the year.
But one thing that hasn’t changed about me is that I’m an introvert. I still like to write, dream and spend time alone. As I explain in my bookthis is because whether someone is an introvert or an extrovert is something we are born with and is mostly determined by our genes. According to Dr. Marti Olsen Laney, children can show signs of introversion as early as four months of age.
So, what are introverts like as children? Although every child is unique, many introverted children share these seven traits.
7 Common characteristics of introverted children
1. Introverted children have a deep and lively inner life.
Their private inner world of thoughts and emotions is very much alive for them. They depend on this inner world and their own ideas to help them make decisions, rather than always looking to others for approval or help. “In their own garden, away from the material world, they concentrate and express complex and intricate thoughts and feelings.” writes Dr. Laney.
Thanks to this inner world, introverted children like to play pretend and be alone. You will often see them alone in their room or in secluded places doing things like reading, drawing, or playing on the computer.
However, this deep inner world can sometimes make them feel disconnected from other children. They may be called “weird” because they have imaginary friends, or because they want to spend time alone, such as sitting by themselves during recess. That’s why it’s important for parents to help introverted children to see that their aloofness is actually a strength.
2. They are curious and concerned with the deeper aspects of life.
Introverted children are quiet, but very curious about the world. They often ask big questions about how things work, why they are the way they are, or what it really means. They can surprise adults with their creativity and problem-solving skills, showing wisdom beyond their years. Even at a young age, many introverted children are able to step outside of themselves and reflect on their own behavior, which not all children are able to do.
3. They observe first and act later.
Introverted children often stay on the sidelines in groups or crowds, just like introverted adults big parties. They may seem shy about hooking up, but it’s not always because they’re afraid. Introverts, even adults, like to think things through before they act, especially in social situations. You can see introverted children open up, talk, be funny and playful at home where they feel safe and comfortable.
4. They make decisions based on their own values, not just what’s popular.
Introverted children often think and feel deeply, which means they usually make choices based on their own ideas and values, not just because something is popular. They may do things their own way, choosing music, clothes, TV shows and hobbies that they really like, not just what everyone else thinks is cool. This sometimes sets them apart from other kids, but it’s good because it means they’re less likely to blindly follow others. They don’t do things to fit in with everyone else.
5. It takes time for their true personality to unfold.
Just like introverted adults, introverted children don’t show your true personality right away. They may be quiet at first and keep to themselves when meeting a new person. But as they get more comfortable with that person, they begin to open up more. They like to have meaningful conversations to better understand themselves or others. They are interested in getting to know people more deeply. They often try to figure out why people do what they do.
Introverted children are generally good listeners. They pay attention and remember what others say. However, they may not like small talk and may lose interest if the topic does not grab them. They may speak softly, pause to find the right words, and may stop talking if someone interrupts them. They may look away while speaking while thinking, but make eye contact while speaking.
Do you ever struggle to know what to say?
Someone asks, “Why are you so quiet?” A co-worker corners me when you are exhausted. A friend strives to plan you don’t have the energy for it.
Later he thinks I wish I had said something.
I’ve been there too. That’s why I created it Confident introverted scripts.
That’s over 150 ready-to-use phrases time spent alone, protection of boundaries, energies, social life, etc. The guide is provided by feedback from therapists and introverted colleagues to make sure it really helps when your mind goes blank.
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6. They may struggle in group settings such as schools and daycare centers.
In recent years, especially in Western countries, being open and confident is often the best way to be. We often praise people who are gregarious and focus on being popular and achieving things that others can see, rather than appreciating quiet thinking and careful decisions.
A preference for extroversion appears everywhere introverted children go, from daycare to preschool. college. Nowadays, children start spending time in daycare and kindergarten at a younger age. When they start school, they are in a classroom with about 30 other children for 6-7 hours a day, constantly doing group work and socializing.
These settings can be challenging for introverted children. They may do better at home or in small groups when they are young and gradually become more comfortable in larger groups as they get older.
7. Introverted children socialize differently than extroverted children.
Introverted children tend to seek deep relationships friendshipsso they may only have one or two close friends and view others as acquaintances. They don’t spend as much time with friends as extroverted children and need time alone to regain their energy.
If an introverted child has a meltdown, seems upset, or has trouble sleeping, it may be because they are overstimulated. It’s like that introverted hangoverand it happens with children too!
If you are an extrovertyou may find it strange that your introverted child needs to be left alone after social events. But remember, while being with others energizes extroverts, introverted kids need some rest after things like birthday partiesplay dates or even just a normal day at school.
Introverted vs. Extroverted children
What are extroverted children like? Here are some characteristics of extroverted children, summarized from Dr. Laney’s book. They can be:
- Speak loudly and snappily, especially when you are nervous
- Change the subject often
- It sounds like they know a lot about something, even if they don’t
- Stand close to people when talking
- Interruption during conversation
- Look away while listening
- You often use your face, hands or body while talking
- Get bored and don’t pay attention if a conversation is too long
- Think of most people as friends
- Jump into new things without hesitation
- Feel energized after exciting activities, especially with others
- Complain or feel exhausted if you spend too much time alone
If your child is an introvert, the best thing you can do is respect their quiet temperament. Help them understand why they feel tired or upset after being around people. Teach them not to spend time alone and help them see the many strengths of being an introvert.
Most importantly, never make them feel that there is something wrong with being an introvert. Embracing ‘quiet’ children as they are gives them the confidence they need in a loud world.
Learn more in my books: The Secret Life of Introvertsa proclamation to all “quiet” and SensitiveAmazon’s best book of the year. 
