One day I asked myself: What if I could stay in my comfort zone—even in uncomfortable situations—like parties or networking events?
I was spooning Nutella into my mouth and trying not to dribble it onto my microfiber pillow when I had an epiphany: We can’t all be our best, out-of-comfort-zone, badass selves. always. It is simply impossible to consistently live our best lives and be our best selves. More importantly, who would? (Sorry, Oprah.)
First of all, it is tiring on a practical level. Sure, I love the abstract concept of drinking fresh green juice every day, but the reality of shoveling kale into a juicer to extract a few drops of musty liquid leaves me frustrated, depressed, and greedy.
Like one introvert entrepreneur and freelance writer, most of my work involved stepping out of my comfort zone, i.e. “getting out of bed”. I attend countless networking meetings and events, but I’m most at ease when I can stay where I am right now – writing with complete joy. solitude.
But one day I asked myself: What if I could stay in my comfort zone even in uncomfortable situations? What if I could tap into the same comfort and peace I feel when I’m alone and carry it with me in my mental briefcase when I need it—like when I’m in a room full of people?
After some trial and error I figured out that it was there is possible. Here is my story.
Social anxiety and stuttering crippled him
When I was struggling with a confidence-crushing mix social anxiety and a stutter, I would do almost anything to avoid being pushed out of my comfort zone. And at that point in my life, stepping out of my comfort zone might mean someone randomly talking to me in line at the grocery store.
Once, during a meeting at work, I pretended to be suddenly sick and hid in the bathroom just to avoid having to introduce myself to the group. I did something similar in elementary school when we had to take turns reading the paragraphs. Later, even as an adult, I was constantly afraid of being called out for what I believed to be a coward and a fraud.
My transformation
Fast forward to today and I actually look forward to public speaking and networking events. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still an introvert and I still need me time. A wild Friday night might include TV hospital dramas and my jammies, but here’s the thing: I’ve found that it’s these moments in my comfort zone that allow for greater challenges.
As an introvert, being around a lot of people can be exhausting. We need solitude to recharge and refresh our souls. The peace experienced in our comfort zone can be harnessed and poured into situations when we need it most.
The transformation I went through took time and effort, but it happened not about getting out of my comfort zone. For this, it was necessary to go deeper.
Imagine what it would be like if you set aside “comfort time” for yourself and give it the same importance as anything else. Now imagine having that same blissful feeling, no expectations or pressure, and learning how to always embody that version. I bet you’re feeling better now, aren’t you?
But I can almost hear your inner critic saying, “Are you kidding me? You can’t.”
Actually you can.
Change the way you think, change your experience
Here’s a secret that most people don’t know: The expectations and pressures you put on yourself only exist because you created them. They can cease to exist. Most people don’t realize they have this power.
I certainly didn’t, not for more decades than I care to admit. When you set the intention of how you want to show up, you take control of your experience instead of letting fear and anxiety dictate it for you. When you don’t tell yourself to step out of your comfort zone—and let yourself off the hook—you create a space where you can be calm, even when your mind is telling you to get out.
Now, when I walk into a room full of strangers, whether it’s a party or networking, I know I can stay in my comfort zone by being my authentic self: an introvert. My cocktail dress or suit could even be pajamas. That’s how I got comfortable. I don’t have to talk to everyone, I don’t have to pretend I’m not there. I can have a meaningful conversation with one or two other people. I mostly ask persuasive questions and listen carefully to other people’s answers. I completely let go of any “selling” or “impressive” thing I need to do.
The funny thing is, when I show up like this, I get more personal connections and business referrals. Total win-win.
Is social anxiety holding you back?
Although social anxiety is not the same as introversion, many introverts experience this painful and isolating condition. The truth is you can overcome social anxiety and our partner Natasha Daniels shows you how. This means more relaxed conversations, more pleasant days at work/school, and more social invitations that you won’t immediately turn down (unless you want to, of course!). Click here to view online classes for children and adults, How to overcome social anxiety.
It starts with lowering the bar
By lowering my own expectations of myself, I let myself off the hook for greater comfort. If I stutter, say something ridiculous, or do something embarrassing, it’s okay. I give myself permission to be an introvert. It’s totally okay that I’m not the loudest, most glamorous, or most socially graceful person in the room.
The other thing I do is to set a clear intention in my mind in advance of what the success of the event will be. For example, if I’m at a social function, I tell myself that if I’m only connecting meaningfully with two people, then I don’t need to talk to anyone else. I define meaningful connection as asking these people thoughtful questions about their lives and then listening to their answers.
It helps to simply be a listener. It lets me off the hook in another way: I don’t have to worry about talking about myself. It’s rare to feel truly listened to, and the people I interact with usually seem grateful. This is another win-win.
Lowering your expectations of yourself is like walking in ALL. A. TIME.
Focus on how you want to feel
Here’s another simple but effective tip for the next time you find yourself in an awkward situation: Find a quiet place, close your eyes and take a few deep breaths (That’s why I like the solitude of my car). Then choose a word that defines how you want to feel when you enter the place or room of discomfort.
The challenge is to refrain from choosing a rah-rah-living-the-best-of-my-life word like “bold!” And please don’t tell yourself you have to be “confident” all the time. Again, lower your expectations! Try a word like “peaceful” or “calm” instead. If you feel stuck, think about how you feel when you are at home in your comfort zone and find inspiration there. Outline the word in your mind. Literally picture it gliding through your imagination. As you enter the room, make that word your mantra.
When I started to realize that I could stay in my comfort zone all the time, I felt an instant sense of relief, like I had given up the worst, most stressful job of my life. The more I practiced staying in my comfort zone, the more other things in my life began to change dramatically. I started to feel at ease even as I challenged myself professionally to grow my business and get more clients. It was as if I had the pent-up confidence and courage that had been patiently waiting behind the scenes for my moment in the spotlight.
When the moment finally came to step into the spotlight, I didn’t step out of my comfort zone. I entered. 
