Here’s what set me back last week—and how I’m healing my trauma as an introvert prone to self-isolation.
I thought I was getting better. And then came the root causes.
As I have shared in other posts, I was recently diagnosed with PTSD after surviving domestic violence and stage three colon cancer. Like many people with PTSD, I had trouble falling asleep. I had nightmares. I felt hopeless, constantly on edge, and unable to work, focus, or function.
But after months of therapy and intentional care of my mental health, I started to feel like myself again. I took my son play dates and museums, the beginning of family planning traveland they even bake cookies for the neighbors.
Then came the week from hell.
It felt like the entire week was designed to drag me back to square one and erase all the healing I had fought so hard for.
The week that started it all
It started with a colonoscopy, a routine checkup to make sure the cancer had not spread. Fortunately, everything was clear. But the preparation, the procedure, the anesthesia, and the fear that something would go wrong and I’d end up back in the hospital stirred up those familiar feelings, panic.
And there was more.
I had to see and interact with my abuser that same week. He continued his post-divorce abuse for years: stalking and harassing me, preventing me from getting paid for a large project we worked on together, weaponizing the court system against me, threatening to try to take my baby boy, and more.
Then at the end of the week we buried my father’s ashes. He was my biggest supporter and died suddenly last summer of a heart attack in the middle of my cancer treatment.
So it’s no surprise that by the end of the week I was back in a place of panic, nightmares and hopelessness.
Why am I writing this post
I am writing this post for several reasons.
First, writing helps me to process what is happening to me.
Second, it seems like almost everyone I talk to lately is struggling with their mental health in some way. And this is not just an anecdote: Recent surveys show that Americans report record low levels of mental health and high levels tension, lonelinessand disconnection.
I believe it after all they are introverts they have to take extra care of their mental health. It’s possible that we’re more likely to feel alone than extroverts worried or depressed. And because we often keep so much to ourselves, it’s easy to suffer in silence. Read more about why mental health is important for introverts here.
So let’s talk about trauma, PTSD, and triggers: why they happen, and what you can do if they drag you back to a place you thought you escaped.
What trauma really is
Many people experience trauma at some point in their lives. When something scary or painful happens, it’s normal to feel stressed. But some people like yours truly continue to develop PTSD.
Trauma can come from many things. It can come from war, sexual harassment, abuse, or a painful or life-threatening medical event. Trauma can also come from less obvious events, such as emotional neglect, divorce, job loss, the death of a petaddiction or repeated rejection of a loved one.
A simple way to explain trauma is this: something happens that is too much for you mind and the body to deal with in the moment.
Of course, not everything that feels bad is trauma. And the word “trigger” is used a lot these days. Sometimes people use it for anything like that annoys me or annoys them. People also say things like, “Oh, you just triggered me” to smooth over someone’s real pain.
But the real triggers are different. Sometimes they are obvious, such as the anniversary of a traumatic event or returning to the hospital for another cancer test. Other times it’s harder to explain: a certain smell, a season or someone raises their voice.
Whatever it is, the trigger is tied to past pain or danger, even if the danger isn’t happening now. Your nervous system says, “I remember that. That wasn’t safe.”
The relationship between introversion and trauma
Of course, being an introvert does not cause trauma or PTSD. However, some research has found that introverted people tend to experience more PTSD symptoms. They can show more internalizing symptomssuch as anxiety and depression. Extroversion can be protectiveperhaps because extroverts are more likely to seek social support and talk about their feelings.
It can also be trauma drag people away from others. It makes social life feel less safe or less fun, which I wrote about here.
For me, this part was very difficult. As an introvert, I need it alone time to feel like myself. But sometimes healthy alone time turns into isolation. One of my triggers has become feeling alone and helpless during a medical event, even for relatively simple things like transportation for my colonoscopy.
How I heal my trauma
in his book Healing traumaDr. Peter Levine explains that trauma is the result of the human body’s strongest survival response—and it demands respect.
So here’s what I do when I feel triggered.
1. I start with my body.
I’m still learning. But when I felt triggered this week, I started with my body.
Dr. Levine describes trauma as, in a sense, taking us out of our bodies. So healing begins with finding your way back.
So I took slow, deep breaths, the kind that made my stomach rise and fall, not just my upper chest.
I put both feet on the floor, looked around the room and named what I saw. Grounding helps bring my mind back to the present. My therapist asked me to name five things I see, four things I feel, three things I hear, two things I feel, and one thing I feel.
2. I don’t judge myself for being infertile.
I then tried not to judge myself for my reaction. I’ve learned that feeling ashamed can make the trigger feel worse. Instead of beating myself up for not being able to meet my weekly schedule writing achieving goals, I stopped forcing myself to be successful. I did something that felt good instead. I made a healthy lunch, watched two episodes of a favorite TV show and went for a walk in the sunshine.
I want my mind to heal faster. But I have to remind myself that healing takes time.
3. I made a “safety” list.
Since safety is an important factor for me, I started making a list of people and activities that make me feel safe. One such activity is getting my nails done. I’ve never been one of those girls who gets a fresh manicure all the time, but I’m starting to think there’s something healing about it for me. My body endured a lot during cancer treatment—painful, invasive, and harmful things.
Getting my nails done is something positive with my body. Something that makes me feel beautiful, despite my scars and permanent colostomy.
There was a huge hailstorm the night I went to the salon. Everyone stopped what they were doing to make a video of it. Of course we were worried about our cars, but there was something strangely comforting about weathering the storm together. Afterwards we helped each other check our cars.
People helped. People cared. And my body needed it.
4. I spend time with people who make me feel safe.
I noticed that some relationships help my body calm down while others rev it up anxiety. So I called the phone—yes, the phone number phone! – and talk to people who make me feel safe.
Texting and social media messages just don’t cut it. There is something that controls hearing another person’s voice. in his book Super communicatorsCharles Duhigg explains that when two people have a real, caring conversation, their bodies begin to agree with each other in small ways—their heart rate, breathing, emotions, and even brain activity become more coordinated.
In other words, the right conversation with the right person helps regulate our nervous system.
Even better, it can be with the right person in real life. I also planned for the next weekend to have lunch with an acquaintance who put me in a good mood. Because even though I am an introvert, I am learning that there is great power in the right social connection.
5. I continue to work with a therapist.
I see her once a week and we do Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). I highly recommend it!
I have to believe that next week will be better. I have to believe that these horrible feelings won’t last forever. I have to believe that my brain can heal.
And if you’re in the same place as me, dear introvert, I believe you can heal too.
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