Something that goes against what most of us assume: the awkward part of the conversation is usually not the beginning. The end is here.
A 2021 study from Harvard, Wharton, and the University of Virginia looked at how conversations end, and the answer was a bit unsettling. Through 932 conversationsonly about 2 percent ended exactly when both people wanted. Most of the time, there was at least one person quietly waiting for the exit, which never came clear.
Part of the problem, as a co-author Adam Mastroianni puts it that wayit’s not as simple as everyone secretly wants to escape. “Most people say that, but a lot of people say the opposite: they want it to continue,” he noted. So we hide our cards. We don’t want to sound rude, and the result is that two people are stuck a little longer than either of them would have liked.
Repair is rarely a smart trick. It’s usually a warm, somewhat specific term and points to the other person, not your own escape. Here are nine that usually do the job.
1) “It was great to catch up”
This works best if you add a callback. Not just “great catch up”, but “great catch up, I’m so glad the new job is going well”.
Being specific shows that you’ve actually been listening, and it adds a neat little bow to the conversation. You don’t excuse me. You mark the moment as good, and then you get out of it.
2) “I’ll Let You Go”
There is a bit of generosity in that expression. You frame your exit as liberating them, not abandoning them.
It also silently solves the coordination problem described in the study. Someone has to go first, and by saying that, he takes the burden off the other person to be the one to end it. For many people, this is a relief.
3) “Before I forget, I just want to say…”
Then follow it up with something original. Praise, thanks, comments about how much their advice has helped you in the past month.
This is partly due to the arrival time. Vanessa Van Edwardswho founded the Science of People, argues that the last impression is as important as the first, so you should be careful with the closing moment. People often hang on to your last note, so ending on an honest note usually leaves a better aftertaste than dying.
4) “I have to be there somewhere, but let’s pick this up soon”
Honesty plus a front door. You don’t pretend it’s all night and you don’t close the conversation.
The key is to understand the second half. “Let’s pick it up soon” only works if you’re really happy to receive it. Honestly, it tells the person that the conversation was important enough to want to continue.
5) “That was really good. I mean.”
Sometimes the most graceful exit is simple honesty, saying it and then stopping. No performance, no over-explanation.
“I mean” does a surprising amount of work. You get throwaway versions of the same words and weight them down with something real. Then you can go, and the last thing that hangs in the air is warmth, not goodbye.
6) “I don’t want to keep you”
As in “I let you go,” it points outward. The focus is on their time, their evening, their next business.
Due to its design, it has low pressure. No one feels rejected because of a phrase that is clearly about sticking to your schedule. And if they really want to talk more, they often do, which provides useful information in both cases.
7) Let me think about it and get back to you
It’s the graceful exit option for a conversation that revolves around a decision or a favor. Instead of a hard yes, no or sudden stop, he leaves in a thoughtful tone.
You buy space without stopping anyone. The other person walks away feeling heard rather than rejected, and you walk away without committing to what you haven’t sat with yet.
8) “I’ll let you enjoy the rest of your evening”
A little update on “I’ll Let You Go” with a little more warmth. We give them the rest of their night as if that’s a good thing, and it is.
Van Edwards frames a clean exit is kindness rather than rudeness. He suggests ending the conversation rather than letting it go, and a line like this does exactly that.
9) “Take care of yourself”
It’s warm, personal, and has a sense of finality without feeling like a door slam. There is genuine care in it, which is more than most goodbyes can achieve.
Use it on the person you truly wish well for. He told the betters that it didn’t look like a brush at all. It can be read as a small blessing on the way out.
What actually makes the exit land
None of these phrases are magic words, and you don’t need all nine. But notice the pattern: Conversations that end badly usually happen because someone waited too long and then took the quickest possible exit. The expressions here all push in the other direction – they give you something to say *before* you reach that point, so the last thing you leave behind is intentionality, not awkwardness.
The Mastroianni study showed that both people usually hide what they want during a conversation. A good exit phrase doesn’t just solve the problem. He also quietly solves theirs.
