To live together anyone challenging, but even more so if you are an HSP who is affected all in your environment.
For most of my life, it was just my mother and I in our quiet apartment. It was an absolute dream extremely sensitive person like me, who often has a hard time dealing with conflict and overstimulation. Although my mother is not a very sensitive person, she always accepted my sensitive behavior.
So when I went to college and lived with different roommates, I realized that living with people who didn’t “get” me—and my sensitive ways—could be exhausting. From fighting over dishes to absorbing the emotions of my roommates when they were having bad days, it took a lot out of me as I processed the information more deeply.
To live together Anyone It’s challenging, but even more so if you’re an HSP
Okay, living with people is hard, whether you’re HSP or not. You and the person you live with may have different opinions, lifestyles and habits, and it may take some time for them to adjust and make things work.
But if you are a highly sensitive person, this idea goes into overdrive because you can deeply process information, you react more strongly to criticismyou feel emotions more strongly and can pick up on things that most people might miss.
As someone who lived with 10 roommates during my four years of college, I lived with many different people. Whether an art or science major, neat or messy, introverted or extroverted, each roommate presented a series of challenges. But it didn’t matter who my roommates were, because I was a very sensitive person and he felt everything all the time, it made it much harder.
Whether you’re moving in with your significant other or your roommate, here are five struggles I’ve experienced living with people as a highly sensitive person.
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5 struggles of living with someone as a highly sensitive person
1. Their mood can have a big effect on you.
You might be having the best day ever… then your roommate walks in the door and everything changes. Whether they’re having a stressful day or saying they’re too tired to spend time with you when you had plans, their mood can affect you too. Most people probably wouldn’t even notice it, but if you’re a very sensitive person, you can immediately sense someone’s mood and they absorb their emotions. This can get you into your own head at times – not only will it affect your mood, but it will be full of self-doubt, second-guessing, and over-analysis. Over time, this can become incredibly overwhelming and exhausting.
What you can do: It can be useful to move out of the living space for a while and practice self-care. Go for a walk, to a museum or to eat. Getting out of the house for a bit and doing something you enjoy can help you catch your breath and gain some perspective before heading home.
2. You will likely have conflicting habits and routines.
While this is a normal part of living with someone, it doesn’t make it any easier if you’re a highly sensitive person. From different routines to different decorating styles, moving in with someone means big changes. Even though the change can be good, big your routine will change as a highly sensitive person it can be challenging and upsetting at first. For example, if your roommate likes to listen to loud music, watch scary movies, or have lots of guests, he may be overstimulating if he prefers a quiet home.
What you can do: Remember, it is your space and don’t be afraid to express your feelings. But it’s also about compromise, so you might want to find creative solutions, like buying noise-cancelling headphones or leaving the room when they have friends over.
3. You will probably have different ideas about time spent alone.
It’s no secret that HSPs need alone time to recharge. But that can be hard to find when you’re sharing a space with someone else… especially if the person you live with is not a very sensitive person and he doesn’t quite understand that he needs to be alone. When tensions run high—and trust me, they will at some point—it can sometimes feel like you’re losing your mind (and your freedom) if you don’t have a private space to decompress.
What you can do: You can go for a walk, ideally in a quiet place like nature, or see if you can find a peaceful place in your home, like your bedroom or office. Creating one HSP shrine a good idea, a soothing place for your own. The point is to let your partner or roommate know your needs and ask them to allow you some uninterrupted alone time.
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4. At some point you have to deal with conflicts.
Whether you’re super sensitive or not, fighting with someone you care about sucks. However, if you are very sensitive, you feel the tension much more deeplysometimes so much so that you will do anything to avoid conflict because it is so painful. So when an issue like dirty dishes comes up, you may have to confront the person you live with, or deal with your angry emotions, or bottle it up while feeling quietly irritated.
What you can do: It is important to express your feelings in a healthy way and setting boundaries – as hard as it is for us HSPs! You don’t have to yell at your partner about food to feel heard, but you also don’t have to stay quiet just to keep the peace. Even if it’s hard, if it’s bothering you, sit down with the person and gently bring up your concern with “I” statements and move on. So instead of accusing them of “never doing the dishes,” you can say, “I feel frustrated when I come home to a sink full of dirty dishes every night.”
5. You probably feel misunderstood sometimes (or a lot).
From feeling so deep to being startled by loud noises, not everyone will understand if you are a highly sensitive person. So when you live with someone who sees you daily and learns more about you and your rutinoid, they may think you’re weird, anxious, or “too sensitive.” While this is more likely to happen with a roommate than with a significant other, it can still be frustrating to be misunderstood.
What you can do: Keep being your wonderful self. The truth is, not everyone will understand what it means to be a highly sensitive person, but that doesn’t matter. I’ve tried to explain it to a couple of my roommates, but most of the time they don’t really understand. You never know though – it might try to explain to them and see what happens. It might do wonders for your cohabitation relationship! Regardless, you only need a select few people in your life who understand and love you for who you are. And it’s okay if it’s not the person who is under the same roof with you. All you can do is be yourself.
