I recently turned 48 and something about that number gave me pause.
Not in a dramatic, life-threatening way – but in a quieter, more reflective way. The kind where you start to notice patterns. Where you start to see how much energy you put into getting things just right.
And one of the strangest realizations?
How much time have I spent meditating “the right way”.
At 28, I thought meditation had rules.
I thought you should:
- Perfectly quiet room
- Perfectly straight back
- A perfectly calm mind
- And the discipline of someone who has listened for decades
Back then, I had long curly hair, a slimmer stomach, and a mind that refused to cooperate. And every time my mind wandered (which it always did), I thought I was failing.
But looking back now, I see something clearly:
I didn’t need more discipline. I needed a better connection with myself.
Meditation was not supposed to be like me mastered it. It was something I was meant to be I meet myself inside.
So if you’re somewhere on this path—whether you’re just starting out or starting over—these are the mindfulness lessons I wish someone had gently imparted to me years ago.
1. Start smaller than your ego wants
We tend to overestimate what we need to do and underestimate what works.
Five minutes is enough. Even three conscious breaths count.
The most important thing is not how long you practice…is that you will return.
2. Don’t try to clear your mind
Your mind thinks. That’s his job.
Meditation is not about becoming thoughtless, it is about noticing thoughts without chasing them all.
3. Your posture doesn’t have to look “spiritual”.
You don’t have to sit cross-legged on the floor unless you’re really comfortable.
Sit on a chair. Lean against the wall. Add a pillow.
Comfort is not cheating, it’s support.
4. Closed eyes are optional
Some days, closing your eyes feels jarring. Not on other days.
An open gaze—soft, relaxed—can actually help you feel more present and secure.
5. Breath is not your only anchor
If focusing on your breathing seems frustrating, you’re not doing anything wrong.
Try:
- The feeling that your feet are on the floor
- Body weight on a chair
- The sound of a fan or distant traffic
- The warmth of a mug in your hand
Attention can rest anywhere.
6. Restlessness is not failure
The urge to move, stop, check your phone?
You didn’t fail the meditation.
That’s you to notice restlessness.
And this comment? This is the exercise.
7. Drowsiness is feedback
Meditation can sometimes feel foggy or difficult.
That doesn’t always mean you’re doing it wrong.
Sometimes it just means you’re tired.
And your body asks for rest.
8. Ten conscious breaths can change your whole day
You don’t need a long session to feel the difference.
Ten slow, deliberate breaths in the middle of a stressful moment can completely change the next hour.
9. You don’t need a perfect morning routine
We often imagine the ideal version of ourselves – we get up early, journal, meditate, move slowly.
But life is messy.
A short, real practice is always better than a perfect routine that doesn’t happen.
10. Walking meditation counts
Not all awareness happens while sitting still.
Some of the most relaxing moments come from walking slowly, feeling each step and noticing your surroundings.
Movement can also be meditation.
11. Meditation is not separate from life
It’s easy to think that mindfulness only “counts” if you sit quietly.
But he also lives there:
- Waiting in line
- Washing dishes
- To fully listen to someone
- Feel the water on your skin in the shower
This is the exercise.
12. Heavy sessions matter most
Boredom. Irritation. Sorrow. Anxiety. Restlessness.
These do not mean a break in practice.
Those are the exercise.
13. Name what happens
A gentle mental label can create space.
Try:
- “Thinking”
- “Planning”
- “worrying”
- “Remembrance”
It softens the grip of your thoughts without pushing them away.
14. Be careful with your pursuit
The harder you chase peace, the more tension you create in it.
Peace usually comes when you stop demanding.
15. Vigilance is not distancing
It’s not about becoming numb or distant.
This is about divorce more honest, connected and present with what is actually here.
16. Self-compassion is part of the practice
You will not be at peace by criticizing yourself.
Kindness, especially to yourself, is not extra.
This is essential.
17. There are days when shorter is wiser
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, overdoing it with a long session can backfire.
A gentler, shorter exercise may be more skillful – and more supportive.
18. You won’t always feel better right away
Sometimes meditation brings up what you have been avoiding.
That doesn’t mean it doesn’t work.
It means we are seeing something real.
And that in itself can be healing.
19. Practice with others sometimes
You don’t have to figure this out on your own.
A teacher, a group or even a friend:
- Provide clarity
- Reduce doubt
- Help me stay consistent
Community matters more than we think.
20. Start over. Then start again
You’re distracting. You will forget. You will drift.
And then you come back.
Honestly, it could be the whole exercise.
At 28, I thought meditation would help me control my life.
At the age of 48, I see something much simpler and much more meaningful:
It helps you face life.
Not perfectly. Not always calmly.
But more honestly. More compassionate. It’s more real.
And over time, that changes everything.
You don’t have to take all 20 lessons at once.
Choose two or three.
Try them out this weekend.
Keep it simple. Let them have enough.
And when will you forget?
Just start over.
