Emotional triggers are wounds that need to heal. These beliefs are based on fear, not reality. Here’s how to change them.
What are emotional motives? These are the super-reactive places in you that are activated by someone else’s behavior or comments.
When triggered, you may withdraw emotionally and simply feel hurt or angry—or even react aggressively, which you’re likely to regret later. We’ve all been there. Your reaction is so violent because you are defending yourself against an extremely painful feeling that has surfaced.
For example, if a co-worker says, “You’re not cut out for that great job,” or a relative says, “You’re too old to date,” it can kick in. And who wouldn’t be outraged by these comments? You get emotional, doubt yourself, feel inferior, or even mistakenly think you’re “over the hills.” (Trust me, there is no “hill to get over”.)
On the other hand, if you were to think, “That’s ridiculous. Of course I’m qualified for the job”, or “No matter what age I am, I will find a wonderful partner”, you are not in a triggered state because you recognize your true worth.
Emotional triggers are wounds that need to heal. These beliefs are based on fear – not reality. Let me repeat: yes not reflects its true value.
You don’t want to be triggered often. No one does. Tiresome and painful, esp extremely sensitive and empathetic people.
Why? Because empaths and HSPs are finely tuned instruments when it comes to emotions. They feel everything, sometimes to extremes, and are less apt to intellectualize their feelings. Intuition is the filter through which you experience the world. Empaths and HSPs tend to more easily and deeply absorb energies related to problems they have not been able to resolve.
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Healing emotional triggers
In order to heal the emotional root causes, you must begin to compassionately examine and dislodge the beliefs passed down from your family or society. These beliefs will vary from person to person, but examples may include, “I’m not smart enough,” or even, “I’m too sensitive.”
You need to begin to gently address the parts of yourself that feel flawed, such as doubts about your body image or your suitability to find a partner. When you heal the initial trauma or false belief, you free yourself emotionally. Then you won’t be so easily replaced or exhausted in the future.
Your initial trauma or false belief is related to a hot button issue. For example, if you have unresolved anger toward your father, you may absorb other people’s anger toward their fathers. Or, the fear of chronic illness can even make you prone to absorbing the symptoms of other people’s chronic illnesses! You are more inclined to take on emotional or physical pain that you have not worked out within yourself. The better you heal the issues that are causing you, the less likely you are absorbs other people’s emotions. You may feel them, but they don’t cut as deep or drain you.
Here are five strategies from my book, The Empath’s Survival Guideto help begin healing emotional triggers.
1. Be aware.
In your journal, identify the top three emotional triggers that get you most upset and off balance than anyone else. For example, when someone criticizes your weight or appearance? Or if you don’t earn a certain income? Or maybe you feel unlovable and unworthy healthy relationship? Write these down to clarify the aspects of yourself that you need to heal.
2. Trace the origin of the trigger.
A diary of where these triggers came from. For example, did your parents say you were “too fat” or unattractive? Has a teacher told you that you don’t have what it takes to succeed in school? Or did your family neglect you, so you grew up unlovable? If you know where your triggers come from, you can get to know yourself better. Reliving old memories can be painful, so do so gently and remind yourself that this is all part of the healing process.
3. Reprogram negative beliefs.
Start with one of the triggers that has the least emotional charge and begin compassionately reprogramming it. Stand in front of the mirror and say to yourself, “This isn’t real.” What is actually true is “I am lovable, talented, and smart.” Then breathe slowly and deeply. As you breathe, say the same statement out loud three times as a mantra, in a tone that conveys that you mean what you say. This will help you replace the negative belief with a positive, more realistic one. When negative thoughts arise, remember your positive mantra.
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4. Act as if.
At the beginning of the healing process, you may need to act “as if” if you have not yet fully internalized a new positive belief. That’s fine. For example, simply telling someone, “I disagree. I totally deserve this great job” (even if you don’t fully believe it) paves the way for a deeper belief later. Or “I’m proud of my sensibilities. Please don’t put them down.” Sometimes you have to practice a more enlightened behavior for it to sink in and become real.
5. Work with a therapist or coach.
It is often helpful to ask for guidance to help you find the root cause and process the feelings involved. You may feel tremendous anger or sadness that your family never believed in you, so you never learned to believe in yourself. Expressing and releasing your feelings allows you to heal the root cause and move forward towards embracing your true power.
Healing the root causes is liberating because I’m not discouraged or exhausted by people’s inappropriate comments. They may still be annoying, but they won’t have the power to bother you. The more you heal your emotional triggers, the more emotionally free you will be.
Would you like to know more? Check out my book The Empath’s Survival Guide: Life Strategies for Sensitive People.
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