Logically, most of us know that a missed dinner does not erase your place in the group. And maybe you’ve already run through every reasonable explanation why it didn’t make it. Better yet, imagine how your therapist can reassure you: He doesn’t have all the details. You were busy that day and the plan was made at the last minute, so maybe they knew. Did the activity make more sense for a smaller group? You did too, you hung out with a select few – and it wasn’t personal either.
And yet… here you are. He’s still annoyed, oddly insulted, and a little spiraled.
That’s because logic doesn’t really stand a chance against feelings of social exclusion, real or perceived. According to them, there are some neurological reasons for this Sabrina Romanoff, PsyDis a New York-based clinical psychologist tapped for this week’s column.
“When we feel threatened, we tend to exaggerate worst case scenarios and make those moments personal,” Dr. Romanoff tells SELF. Suddenly, a group photo without you confirms: They closer without me. I am being phased out. Nobody loves me.
“It also taps into our primitive fears of being left out,” she adds, whether it goes back to high school sleepovers you didn’t get invited to (and if you did, it was only because your mom punished the other parents for it), class projects where no one picked you first, or family dynamics where you never felt like a favorite.
