Did you know that an intimate partner or family member kills a woman or girl? every ten minutes? Murderers try to justify their crimes by: “I killed her because I loved her so much.” But it is not love that drives this violence; this is pathological jealousy.
There are obvious signs of excessive jealousy, such as stalking and isolation, but relationships don’t start with this behavior. Jealousy gradually creeps into innocent behavior that often goes unnoticed. Here are the early warning signs that someone is pathologically jealous.
13 signs of pathological jealousy
“Jealousy is not exactly an emotion, but a complex created by reactions, doubts and thoughts.”
Clinical psychologist Ezgi Dokuzlu
1. They ask for your phone’s PIN code or e-mail password
“I know you have nothing to hide.”
This is a common sign of pathological jealousy, and partners will use it emotional blackmail by offering theirs PINs and passwords when you request your own. He feels that he is secretive and has something to hide if he doesn’t.
2. They sulk when you spend time with other people
“Oh, are you talking to me again?”
Overreacting when you stop to talk to a store employee for a few minutes or when a friend calls are classic signs that your partner is pathologically jealous. These smaller exchanges act as a social bond that we all recognize. However, someone who struggles with jealousy often gets upset when attention is taken away from them.
3. they make “innocent” suggestions about what you should wear
“That skirt is a little short. Why don’t you change? You look so good in pants.”
A partner’s suggestion that your clothing is too revealing or sexy, accompanied by a more conservative solution, suggests that they don’t want others to notice. It’s common to see women’s looks go from vibrant and sexy to fluffy forced controlling relationships.
4. They note the attractiveness of others
“The guy in line was pretty handsome, don’t you think?”
It’s a test you can’t pass because if you say yes, it shows that you’re attracted to them, and if you say no, your partner won’t believe you anyway. It’s a no-win situation.
5. You will be questioned if you are a few minutes late
“Just because I’m worried about you.”
My compulsive control ex used to do this when I was in college. He knew exactly how long it took me to get home. If I was a few minutes late, he asked me. It’s fine to ask if your partner is hours late, but 5 minutes a red flag.
6. They covertly threaten you with what they would do if you cheated on them
“I would find you both and kill you.”
Has your partner warned you never to do it? cheat on them? My ex used to do this all the time. He threatened violence and said:I warned you. It wouldn’t be my fault if I did something.” I felt guilty, even though I had done nothing wrong. It is a form of mental prison that keeps you away from other people.
7. They question it yours behavior
“If you weren’t so friendly with other guys, I wouldn’t have to worry.”
This is a classic sign of pathological jealousy. It shifts theirs uncertainty on you. This is it gas lighting. Now you ask yours behavior; maybe your friendship feels like flirting. Maybe this dress was revealing enough. You may be spending too much time at work.
8. They say your friends/family are a bad influence
“I’m not worried about you, I’m worried about them.”
This is one isolation tactic used by managing partners. They say they trust you but don’t like you spending time with certain friends or family. This could be a single friend or a trusted family member.
9. They test your priorities
“I know it’s your mom’s birthday, but I’ve already booked a table at our favorite restaurant.”
It’s a tactic designed to test your commitment to your partner. who do you value more? Pathologically jealous people should be your main and only priority. This even applies to children.
I actually knew a guy whose girlfriend was so jealous of his 18 year old daughter that she chose between them. Her daughter eventually left the family home.
10. They are everywhere on social media
“Who was the guy who tagged you in the photo?”
It’s okay to be a little curious about who you’re dating, but be careful when your partner is commenting on all of your social media sites. They’ll spin it as a desire to know everything about you, and while it’s flattering at first, it’s a sign of pathological jealousy.
11. Several questions are asked about harmless interactions
“I’m only interested in your life, that’s all.”
This minor interaction with the guy at the checkout turned into a Q&A session. But the jealous person frames it as completely harmless. They are just curious about your life and want to know more about you, but inside they are seething with jealousy.
12. You feel guilty about spending any time away from them
“How was the office party?” I would have liked to come with you, but you obviously didn’t want me there.
Whether it’s an office party, a girls’ night out, or lunch with your parents, a pathologically jealous person can’t handle the time spent away from them.
In their mind, you’re having too much fun without them, bad-mouthing them, or having an affair behind their backs. Expect sarcastic comments, a silent treatmentor passive-aggressive behavior when you return.
13. They “joke” about harming you if you’ve ever left them
“I would kill you if I ever saw you with another man.”
If your partner repeats it this comment is just a jokeit is imperative that you understand how serious it is. People only say things like that when they are pathologically jealous. They warn you in advance that they will hurt you.
What to do if you notice signs of pathological jealousy?
Having been in a relationship with a jealous partner, I advise you to leave as soon as possible. There is nothing you can do to appease or appease them. Listen, we all get jealous at times; we may covet our neighbor’s new car, or get a little upset when someone else gets a promotion at work. But these are all tangible things.
Pathological jealousy is not based on real events or factual evidence. The jealous man imagine scenarios and you feel threatened by the thoughts those to generate. It has nothing to do with what you do. And you can’t reassure someone if the “evidence” they provide is only in their head.
The other issue is that pathologically jealous people don’t get better; jealousy only increases until then you becoming a completely different person to match their jealousy.
My friends said I lost my glow. I experienced all of the above signs that seemed innocent at first. But these were just precursors. The problem is that once you “accept” these suggestions, comments, or behaviors, you can’t go back. Control and isolation only get worse.
Final thoughts
Jealousy can affect even the happiest of relationships, but pathological jealousy is a different beast. He doesn’t listen to reason or evidence, and he can end in violence. If you notice the above signs, be very careful.
Sub-editor and collaborator at A learning mind
Janey Davies appeared on the Internet over 10 years ago. She has suffered from panic disorder for over 30 years, which led her to study and receive an Honors Degree in Psychology from the Open University. Janey uses her own experience of anxiety to provide support and advice to others dealing with mental health issues.
