Opening up to someone when dating can be challenging for introverts. But give us some time – it’s worth the wait.
Oh, dating: meeting new people, going to crowded bars, and constantly feeling like you have to be “in”… sounds like an introvert’s worst nightmare. But just because we’re introverts doesn’t mean we don’t deserve to find our special someone, even though that makes dating a small more complicated.
If you’re an introvert like me, you already know this the struggle is real when it comes to dating and open up to someone new. However, somewhere between the awkward first date and the even more awkward meeting with your date’s family, I’ve put together some tips to help you overcome the common obstacles introverts face when looking for a romantic partner.
5 Introvert Dating Challenges
1. It takes us longer than others to open up.
Introverts are often described as ‘mysterious’ and ‘seductive’. But in reality, they’re just taking a little extra time to meet new people—daters included.
Introverts are not the type to wear their hearts on their sleeves. Instead, we are often on guard, and this can take a many one at a time to finally tear down those walls. This can make dating difficult, especially if the other person wants to know more than we are willing to share. At worst, someone might mistake our hesitation for us not being interested in them or a relationship, which isn’t true.
How to defeat: The key is here – just like that in any relationship – good communication. As introverts, we have to recognize that while What you think it’s normal for us to take longer to reveal our many layers, others may not.
Make a conscious effort to compliment your romantic interest and don’t be afraid to initiate a text conversation or the next date – this shows that you’re interested in taking things forward. You can also let the other person know that it’s normal to take a while to open up, and that it happened nothing to do with them; that’s just the way it is you it works. As long as you’re both on the same page, it shouldn’t cause a rift in your relationship.
Do you ever struggle to know what to say?
Someone asks, “Why are you so quiet?” A co-worker corners me when you are exhausted. A friend strives to plan you don’t have the energy for it.
Later he thinks I wish I had said something.
I’ve been there too. That’s why I created it Confident introverted scripts.
That’s over 150 ready-to-use phrases time spent alone, protection of boundaries, energies, social life, etc. The guide is provided by feedback from therapists and introverted colleagues to make sure it really helps when your mind goes blank.
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Click here to purchase the guide.
2. We like you, but we also like being alone.
Introverts don’t just want quiet nights at home… demand charge them. For an extrovert, hearing “I need a night out” might mean ending things. But there is time for introverts to be alone nothing to do with others and all to do with them they charge their internal batteries. Even the introverts who are happily married or in committed relationships, they need solitude, which extroverted types find difficult to grasp.
How to defeat: trust me I like time alone just like the next introvert. However, I also understand that if I want a new relationship to work, I may have to compromise. So my advice to introverts who struggle with alone time vs. relationship time is to plan ahead (or at least try).
Set aside two or three nights to spend time with your new crushes, and reserve the other four nights for yourself (or whatever combination works for you). And make sure you take advantage of that alone time—enjoy a hot bath, go for a long walk, or do whatever you need to recharge. As a result, you feel fulfilled and your date will see that you are making an effort spend time with them.
3. We may need more time before meeting friends and family.
Oh, you want me to meet your 15 best friends? Sorry, we have to work until then. As an introvert, I am not in an excitable environment and the person I’m dating must understand this. But unfortunately, not everyone does this, so it can lead to problems.
How to defeat: If your romantic partner invites you to meet your loved onessuggest ways slowly get to know these new people instead…it’s okay to take baby steps! Try some introvert-friendly activities like playing trivia at a bar – to provide a buffer and make the night about more than introductions. Or watch a movie with a small group – the movies are great because they relieve the stress caused by small talk. And when it comes to family members, she recommends meeting with parents or siblings first, rather than a large family gathering.
4. Sometimes we go MIA (but it’s not personal).
Meeting someone on the phone it’s hard for anyone, but there it is mainly challenging for introverts. Because let’s be honest… the phones are loud. So, as an introvert, I often avoid them (ah, I may or may not keep my phone on do not disturb mode).
But the problem is that people have the wrong idea of when it takes you hours to reply to a text message (guilty). Since introverts are notoriously difficult to reach, you may need to put in more effort to get the communication flowing with new love.
How to defeat: If you’re curled up on the couch with a true crime novel in hand—which many introverts like to do all the time—set an alarm to check your phone and respond to texts. This helps keep the communication going so the other person doesn’t think you’re blowing them off.
Also, don’t be afraid to tell your new romantic interest that you’re not an all-day text person. Let them know when you decide turn off external noise and go into an introverted hole. When you show up, send a text to say hello – they’ll be happy to hear from you.
5. We feel frustrated when others don’t “get” us.
Introverts know that they are hard to figure out as they tend to be reserved. And in between those if they know their minds are loud enough, others may mistake their quiet demeanor for nervousness or anger. So it’s frustrating for them to be constantly asked, “What’s wrong?” and I have to keep explaining that silence is not the same as sadness.
How to defeat: While you may understand what it means to be an introvert, others may not. From the beginning of your relationship, make sure that the person you’re dating understands that just because you have to be single doesn’t mean you’re going to break up with them. And as you navigate the dating worldremember that things that come naturally to introverts—such as long walks alone and individual travel – not necessarily “norms” for others. Be understanding and try not to get discouraged if your new flame he doesn’t “get” you immediately. They will in time (otherwise they are not the right person).
Although dating is exhausting, it is worth it
Trust me, my fellow introverts, I get that dating is what it is wearing. But try to be patient with others who may not understand the introvert lifestyle… they will figure it out eventually.
Most importantly, don’t feel like you have to change who you are to find a mate. I have no doubt that you will find someone who will understand your introvert behavior and let it go get all the peace you need. Because even though dating can be mentally draining, it’s all worth it when you find that special someone who makes you feel loved. 
