“Waiting is not just empty hope, it contains the inner certainty of achieving the goal.” ~I Ching
Waiting has a bad effect in modern western society. Not surprisingly, I had to look at an ancient Chinese text (a I Ching) to find a suitable quote to start the article. We don’t like to wait! It is much easier to find quotes on the Internet about “seize the day” and making something happens.
I have been an impatient person most of my life. I wanted things to happen to me! In my twenties, I had a definite agenda: finish university, start my career, get married and start a family. So I announced a major and started knocking him down goals. When the time came for me to get married, I chose the most suitable person and went ahead.
I didn’t really know much about waiting. I thought you did it when you didn’t have the guts or the conviction. It was just an excuse not to take action. I know better now.
I have since learned that waiting is one of the most powerful tools we have to create the life we want.
The ego or mind is very uncomfortable waiting. This is the part of you that screams enough “Do something! Anything is better than nothing!” And since we’re a very ego-driven society, you’ll find plenty of outside voices to back up that message.
The mind hates uncertainty and would rather make mistakes than simply live in a state of “not knowing” while the right path unfolds.
There is a term I like to describe this uncertainty: liminal. Liminal space is at the limit or threshold of possibilities. It is a place of pure potential: from here we can go in any direction. There are no bright lights and obvious signs that say “Walk this way”.
Liminal spaces can be very uncomfortable, and most of us tend to rush through them as quickly as possible.
If we can slow down instead, the landscape will gradually become clearer, like when our eyes get used to a dark room. We begin to use all our senses. The ego wants a brightly lit superhighway to the future, but real life is more of a maze. We take a step or two in a certain direction, and then look ahead to another turning point. Progress requires a completely different set of skills, and anticipation is one of the most important.
Everything has its timing, and often it’s not the timing we want it to be (right now – or maybe even yesterday). There are things that happen on a subconscious level, in ourselves and in others, that prepare us for the next step. Oddly enough, when the time comes to act, there is often a sense of inevitability, as if it has always been this way.
Look back on your life and you will see this pattern. First, look at what decisions you have forced. How did these turn out? Then look for times when you just “knew” what you had to do without even thinking about it. What happened then?
The key to the second type of decision is waiting for that deep feeling of inner knowing.
This does not mean that you are sure that everything will turn out exactly as you want. Or that you don’t feel fear. But there’s a feeling in your body that says, “yeah, it’s time,” which I liken to the urge migratory birds get when it’s time to leave town. They are not debating whether to go, they are looking at maps and calendars. They just going when the time is right.
We are animals too – we have and can develop the inner sensitivity that allows us to simply know what to do when the time is right. But for that we have to get out of our minds. Thinking is useful up to a certain point, but we usually push it far beyond the limits of usefulness.
Over and over again, we consider various possibilities and try to predict the future based solely on our hopes and fears.
We talk to others endlessly about what we should be doing, hoping they’ll find the answer for us (and ideally trying to get everyone to agree).
We think about what we “should” do, based on any external criteria: common sense, morality, religion, family values, finances, etc.
Then we usually add it all up and bring out only the best.
A better way is to take stock of what you know (and more importantly, what you know not I know), then… wait.
If there is an action that requires you to take, even if it seems unrelated to the question at hand, do it! Then wait again for another urge to move. Wait actively rather than passively. This means keeping your inner senses attuned to urges or intuitions. Expect the answer to come. As the I Ching he says: wait with the “inner certainty of achieving the goal”.
It’s not the same dithering and procrastination as when we will to try something new, but to be afraid to step out into the unknown. If your intuition is pulling you in a certain direction and your mind is telling you to stop, by all means ignore your mind.
There’s a subtle but very real difference between feeling fear (which keeps you from doing something you want) and doubt (which warns you that a decision that seems good on the surface isn’t right for you).
In both cases, seek and trust your deep sense of inner knowing, even if your thoughts tell you otherwise. A friend of mine once told me that his father’s best advice to him was, “Getting married is the easiest decision of your life.” I wish I had known this when I made my own (very ambivalent) decision!
My head told me that this was a reasonable thing to do and that he was a good person. However, my gut was far from on board. I still vividly remember the many internal debates I had about whether to marry her and even the dreams that revealed my inner reluctance. Unfortunately, my thoughts overrode my instincts.
Now I know this: If you have to talk yourself into something, wait. More will be revealed if you give it some time.
Ignore that voice in your head that tells you to make a decision currently. Don’t rush through life. Stay in liminal spaces and see what becomes clear as you sit precariously. Learn to trust your gut more than your head. Trust that the right path will unfold at the perfect time. Then, when the time comes, just do it, as easily and naturally as birds fly.
