If an introvert zones out and seems “rude” when you talk to them, it probably has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.
It’s no secret that some people think that introverts are boring or don’t have much to offer in conversation or general company. Or we are “too quiet”. or “not interesting enough”. But it takes time for an introvert to fully open up and show their “normal” side.
I will list a few below things that we introverts do can seem “rude” but they really aren’t intentional. I would know because I am indeed guilty of doing some – if not all – of these things. (So please forgive me.) And I hope these seven tips help clear up some misconceptions about introverts while helping you better understand them and how they work.
7 unintentionally “rude” things introverts do
1. They zone out. (Sorry.)
Have you ever talked to an introvert and noticed at some point that they seem spacey, like they’ve lost touch with those around them? I can tell you that no, it’s not because of you, you’re not boring. As an introvert, I can tell you that there are many reasons for this.
On the one hand, sometimes there is simply a lot going on internally and fairly to get stuck in our overthinking thoughts. We may find ourselves rehearsing what to say in response to what you say, or thinking about what we’ve already said (that we wish we hadn’t said).
Or if the conversation is based on small talk, it’s not our forte, so it can seem like we’re uninterested. (Again, we’re not – we just prefer deeper talk.)
Another point to consider is how long has this conversation been going on? If it’s past a certain point, it can indicate that an introvert’s social element has started to wear off. It’s never about you, believe me. Sometimes our minds just wander.
2. They may seem unique (but they just need to get to know you better).
Talking to an extrovert takes absolutely no effort, I think we can all agree. You ask them any question and they can give a very sophisticated answer because they are naturally good at speaking and expressing themselves. But don’t get me wrong – introverts are great speakers too… when we have something to say.
But if we are still not completely satisfied with you, we can keep quiet. In this case, most of our answers to questions will be short and sweet, as we are not yet ready to fully reveal ourselves. This is where we mistake ourselves for being cold or confrontational and sometimes offend others who try to get to know us. Again, nothing personal – that’s what it’s all about usnot you.
3. They disappear for days at a time.
Maybe you have a friend who goes for days, sometimes weeks – in more extreme cases, even months. This is one of many indicators that you are dealing with an introvert. As you probably know, introverts generally thrive on alone time, which is much needed for sanity, especially after they drain their social batteries.
Situations that take up a lot of our energy usually have to be followed by a recovery period. This may mean hiding from the world as long as possible by not responding to messages, or hiding for a while until we feel ready to come out again. He never wants to be cruel, but rather a key way to protect and restore our energy.
Do you ever struggle to know what to say?
Someone asks, “Why are you so quiet?” A co-worker corners me when you are exhausted. A friend strives to plan you don’t have the energy for it.
Later he thinks I wish I had said something.
I’ve been there too. That’s why I created it Confident introverted scripts.
That’s over 150 ready-to-use phrases time spent alone, protection of boundaries, energies, social life, etc. The guide is provided by feedback from therapists and introverted colleagues to make sure it really helps when your mind goes blank.
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4. They seem uninterested or inexpressive.
Because we are known to not express ourselves as openly as extroverts, we introverts are sometimes accused of not being interested enough or not responding “appropriately” to something. And to be honest, I can see how it doesn’t help if we don’t smile as often as people would like or expect.
Although I can assure you: What you assume is disinterest on our faces is just our natural expression of calmness, preventing the appearance of emotion. What our face cannot express, I guarantee that you will also pick up from our mood, our body languageor directly from our spoken words. When in doubt, observation is key.
5. Plans are often rejected.
Oh, that friend who never seems to want to hang out when you try to make plans, questioning your friendship. Let me stop you. As I mentioned earlier, introverts can only use up so much of their social battery—keyword, social battery — and you may find staying at home more ideal like going out all the time.
That is i’m not saying that introverts never go out. But more often than not, we will be very strategic in deciding when to accept plans. It all depends on how much energy we have available, the place we choose – preferably less crowded introverted friend – and who the invitation is from. With close friends, we probably try to be more accommodating, but with certain aspects in mind, like who goes, where we go and so on.
6. They are mysterious – they are not open book.
I have mentioned before how introverts can be debauched. As a result, I think people may see us as secretive, thinking that we are deliberately withholding information. While I totally agree that we are private people, I can guarantee that it’s for the right reasons and not because we’re being secretive on purpose.
We value our energy and it’s a big thing to let others into our lives that are so close and personal to us. That’s why we’re always careful about what we share about ourselves, especially when we don’t know someone completely yet. It’s already taking a while to open up in general, but with a little patience and trust, there’s a lot to discover.
7. They seem arrogant.
Sometimes introverts are mistaken for being arrogant. Think back to that quiet boy or girl you had in your class or at work who never seemed too worried about being part of what was going on and usually hung out by themselves. I’m here to tell you that they weren’t being arrogant or aloof—at least not on purpose.
They don’t think they are “better” than anyone else. As I mentioned earlier, introverts’ minds tend to wander. We don’t intentionally try to set ourselves apart from a group— we just have a habit of dreaming and much of the time we are lost in our thoughts. Believe me, our goal is not to make a statement and draw attention to ourselves. That’s the last thing we want. 
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