One of the most radical and transformative practices in Buddhist psychology is to manage our pain with loving awareness. Instead of running away from suffering or trying to silence it, we call it into our awareness with our attention and compassion. This is not the passive acceptance of suffering, but the process of actively embracing it, like a loving parent holding a crying baby. When we bring our suffering into the presence of our awareness, something powerful happens: it begins to change.
Welcoming the seed of suffering
Our emotions exist as seeds in the garden of our mind. Some seeds, such as joy and gratitude, are easy to appreciate. Others, e.g fearanger or grief is much more difficult. However, all human life contains both types of emotions. Unpleasant mental states always arise, no matter how skillfully you live. If we don’t know how to relate to them, we can cause a lot of unnecessary suffering. When we are angry at our anger or when we are afraid of our fear, these emotions just spiral. We need another way.
Holding the pain starts with an invitation. Instead of running away from suffering, let it arise. But we don’t invite it alone, we also bring out the seed of loving awareness. This is the key. When suffering occurs in isolation, it can be overwhelming. But when we bring it vigilancegentleness and curiosity about our sufferings, transforms.
The power of loving awareness
Loving awareness is like a fragrant flower blooming in the garden of the mind. His scent permeates everything he touches, including suffering. When the seed of suffering is strong, we don’t have to fear it. Instead, we hold it with the warmth of our own awareness. This simple realization—I see you suffer. I’m here for you.– can change our relationship to our pain.
One way to practice this is to imagine your suffering as a crying baby. When a baby cries, we don’t ignore it, scold it, or push it away. We lift them up, hold them close, and provide soothing care. We don’t have to immediately solve the problem or stop crying; we simply hold the baby with love. In the same way, we can hold on to our suffering—not to get rid of it, but to offer it warmth and presence to heal.
Work with feelings of suffering
When suffering is present, we can focus on how it manifests sensations in the body. Tension in the chest, tightness in the throat, heaviness in the stomach – these are some of the body’s ways of expressing suffering. The first step in managing pain is to become aware of these feelings.
- Find a quiet place and sit comfortably. Bring your awareness to your breath and let it settle into a natural rhythm.
- Notice any sensations in your body. Where do you feel tension, discomfort or pain? If you notice only relaxation, you can intentionally manifest suffering by thinking of something challenging (but not too painful when you start).
- Instead of resisting these feelings, bring kindness to them. Place a gentle hand on the area as if comforting your dear friend.
- Whisper to yourself, “I see you. I am here for you. You are safe and loved in this present moment.”
- If the intensity of the suffering is too great, allow yourself to step back. Keep the intensity between 3 and 7 out of 10. If it feels too overwhelming, focus on something beautiful or take a walk outside.
Experimenting with loving awareness
Everyone expresses love and care differently. Some may be comforted by placing their hand over their heart, while others may imagine a light surrounding their pain. Some may find comforting words helpful—”It’s okay. I’m here with you.” – and others can relate to their suffering without words. The key is to experiment and find what works best for you.
The gradual transformation of suffering
Treating pain with loving awareness does not mean that it will disappear forever. After some time of practice, you will notice that there is only peace and relaxation in your body. However, your suffering always returns. It is true that the seed of suffering may become smaller over time, but it does not disappear completely. If you practice something and it comes back the next day, don’t worry. You didn’t do anything wrong.
As your practice deepens, you will notice that it becomes easier to respond to suffering with care and compassion. Your heart opens and you feel less and less unnecessary and self-inflicted pain.
Treating our pain with loving awareness is one of the most powerful gifts we can give ourselves. This is profound courage. Instead of running away from suffering, we meet it with presence. Instead of rejecting our pain, we hold it tenderly, allowing it to transform in the warmth of awareness.
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Extract from Buddhist practices for healing trauma. Copyright © 2026 Tim Desmond. Used by permission of the publisher, Norton Professional Books, a division of WW Norton & Company, Inc. All rights reserved.
