Do you know how to deal with emotionally abusive parents as an adult? Unlike physical or sexual abuse, identifying emotional abuse can be challenging. Those who experience it may not realize it is abuse, but the consequences leave deep scars into adulthood.
These scars affect an individual’s self-confidence and mental health, and affect their adult life. After low self-confidence is challenging when dealing with emotionally abusive parents as you may not feel confident enough to speak up. However, recognizing and understanding emotional abuse can help you move forward.
Here’s how to deal with emotionally abusive parents. I want to quickly identify the types emotional abusebefore we talk about the things you can do.
What is emotional abuse?
There are many forms of emotional abuse.
- Constant criticism
- Dismissing the child’s feelings
- Conditional love
- Guilt tripping
- Belittling or mocking
- Ignoring the child’s achievements
- Too much control
- Rejection of the child
- His threats self harm
- Sharing of Personal Information
- Emotional blackmail
- Exception
- Physical absence
- Blaming the child
- Isolation
- Emotional addiction
- Role reversal
- Extreme jealousy
- Ignoring the child
- Gas lighting
- Withholding affection
Effects of emotionally abusive parents
1. Low self-esteem
When you constantly criticize, humiliate or ignore your children, you end up a low self-esteem. And not thinking you’re good enough has far-reaching consequences, including your choice of partner and your career goals.
2. Issues of trust
Emotionally abusive parents do not provide the love and support children need to develop healthy attachments in adulthood. This can lead to adults pushing people away or settling into abusive relationships.
3. Anxiety
Growing up in a stressful environment where you don’t feel loved or supported puts your body on constant alert. This causes anxiety that can continue into adulthood.
4. Physical symptoms
Constant stress puts a physical strain on the child’s body, which can continue into adulthood. For example, stress in the body can manifest as stomach aches, headaches, and even a weakened immune system.
5. Eating disorders
Living in a chaotic household as a child can lead to adults using food as a control method or an unhealthy coping mechanism.
6. Drug abuse
Children living in toxic environments learn to self-soothe from an early age. However, as an adult, this can also manifest as substance abuse, as the effects of drugs or alcohol are used to compensate for missing love or to block out feelings of pain.
How to deal with emotionally abusive parents as adults
The effects of growing up emotionally abusive parents they are extensive. Do you recognize any of the above, and if so, what can you do? Experts say the most important step is to acknowledge that you have experienced abuse.
1. Recognize that it is abuse
It’s easy to dismiss or minimize emotional abuse, especially when you don’t understand it. But emotional abuse affects the child. It’s important as an adult to allow yourself to grieve the childhood you never had and deal with how it affected you.
2. Know that your feelings are valid
Now is the time to affirm all the negative feelings you have suppressed or bottled up. Anger, grief, helplessness, confusion and grief do not need to be justified or suppressed. Allow yourself to experience it all. No more denial or minimization. You have experienced this abuse and your feelings are genuine.
3. Understand how emotional abuse affects you
Once you recognize the abuse, the next step in recovery is to find out how it has affected you. Are you dependent on alcohol or drugs? Are you always involved in toxic romantic relationships? Has your career been a disappointment? You are the they are kinder to people and is it hard to say no?
Changing these negative traits is possible, but only if you process them.
4. Find healthy ways to process your feelings
Staying angry, depressed or anxious will only keep you in a never-ending situation cycle of abuse. However, it is easy to slip into it negative coping strategies. For example, if you shout angrily, push people away, overeat or starve yourself. There are healthier ways.
Direct methods may include seeing a therapist, starting a mindfulness course, or writing down your thoughts. Indirect methods may include visiting a relaxing spa, taking a luxurious bath, cooking your favorite meal, or spending time with friends.
When you are aware of the type of emotional abuse, how it affects you, and how to move forward, you can reassess what kind of relationship you want with them.
5. Decide what type of relationship you want with your parents
It’s your decision. do you want cut all tiesor would you prefer a contact? Or maybe you have no choice but to maintain a relationship with your parents. There are ways to limit your involvement with them and keep you safe and well.
Set boundaries with consequences
There is no rule that says you have to put up with toxic behavior. You will know when your parents have crossed a line because you will feel angry, emotional or frustrated. However, it is important to explain the consequences if your parents cross a line.
For example,
“If you keep bad mouthing my children, they won’t welcome you in my house.”
Or, “Please call before you come to visit. I can’t take you if you don’t let me know.”
Or, “If you keep yelling, you have to leave.”
Ask for advice
As I said earlier, the effects of emotionally abusive parents can have lifelong effects on your life. If the wounds are deep, a professional therapist can help take away the trauma safely.
Final thoughts
Breaking free from emotionally abusive parents is hard, but I hope this article on how to deal with emotionally abusive parents as an adult has helped. Start by understanding the effects, working through your feelings, and setting firm boundaries.
References:
Sub-editor and collaborator at A learning mind
Janey Davies appeared on the Internet over 10 years ago. She has suffered from panic disorder for over 30 years, which led her to study and receive an Honors Degree in Psychology from the Open University. Janey uses her own experience of anxiety to provide support and advice to others dealing with mental health issues.
