I was standing at the kitchen sink rinsing dishes and putting them in the dishwasher when I noticed a familiar train of thought running through my mind. Let’s seei told myself I’ve finished paying the bills, balancing the bank accounts and cleaning the kitchen so now I can make a cup of tea and finish reading my book.
Sounds harmless enough, except that it was the third time in a week that I found myself pretending that I could only do what I wanted when the job was done. It’s an old habit, an omission from the stage of life devoted to achievement and success, but now, in this new stage—the years of wisdom—I have to keep reminding myself:
You don’t have to earn your happiness.
So I sat down in the living room, pulled a blanket over my lap, and spent the next hour finishing my latest favorite book. As I turned the last page, I closed my eyes to retain the magic of the experience. My back was telling me that I had been sitting in the same position for too long, but I didn’t want to break the spell by getting up to stretch.
At the end of the party I finished “The Correspondent” by Virginia Evans. This runaway bestseller tells the story of a woman who confronts aging, past mistakes, divided opinions, and the consequences of living in small spaces (both in her mind and in her life). The story is told through the letters she writes and receives, and it’s a unique format that gets better with every turn of the page.
These days I spend more time with books than my phone or computer, and that has been a great joy. I’m currently reading The Forty Rules of Love by Elif Shafak (an intellectually rich story), and in the last few months I’ve finished autobiographies of Barbra Streisand, Anthony Hopkins, and Lionel Richie. These types of books are fascinating because they teach you not only about the lives of artists, but also how the past influences the present, the trajectory of creative careers, and what people (and we all) learn as they age and become more self-reflective.
I learned something important by not delaying pleasure: Nothing catastrophic happens if you make pleasure more important in your daily life. Instead, it softens the edge of the day, stretches time in the most subtle way, and reminds us that life is not to be earned, but to be lived.
Love,
Cheryl
