One way to succeed in people-centered work is to not expect the worst, like being online 24/7. Instead, focus on your introvert’s strengths.
This is what they offered you dream job with excellent pay and decent hours perfectly matched to your skills. Maybe as a librarian, bookseller or something behind the scenes. But towards the end of the job description, the sentence appears as if pulsating in neon: “Excellent people skills are required.”
You are torn inside, because while the work may be people-oriented, you are not. You dread having to work in the same room and are happy for everyone in sight. But obviously you need people to buy your product, fund your organization, and buy into your vision. What should I do?
I was faced with this decision when I was asked to be a major gifts officer at Yale University. The gift manager is soliciting charitable donations for a nonprofit organization. My role would be to manage a portfolio of up to 200 donors, visiting most of them annually. This can mean up to five meetings a day, one week a month. That was the human knowledge work if there ever was one.
You might think this sounds like an introvert’s nightmare…but I took the job, however extroverted he seemed. And I didn’t just accept it, I excelled at it. Here are five ways I faced this position and all that came with it. You can use them to conquer your own demanding work environment.
5 ways to do successful people-oriented work as an introvert
1. Don’t fear the worst – focus on your introvert’s strengths instead.
Introverts bring something special to people-oriented positions. Worst thing you can do your confidence imagine it your new workplace it will only consist of things you regularly avoid. For every week I spent on the road, there were three weeks when I wasn’t. During this time I was in the office sending letters, schedule your next tripand learn what the instructors and students are up to. So I was able to pass on this enthusiasm to the alumni I met along the way. So there was a fair ratio of downtime to outside time.
But if you imagine the worst—constant cocktail parties or 24/7 public speaking—you’ll put yourself off the job before you even start. Even extroverts would admit that in order to be successful in a demanding job, it takes a lot of thoughtful, deliberate planning time is requiredand introverts can excel at these things. Trust that even the most interactive positions have quiet time.
2. Role-play the scenario.
Now let’s talk about how to structure the interactive situations that occur during work. They can be face-to-face meetings, events or even cold calls. Believe it or not, it’s there are way to achieve what I call the people-centered aspects of your work smoozing scenarios.
You knew that 89 percent do advanced sales courses include role plays? Role-playing accustoms them to real-world experiences.
Why are they especially useful for introverts? We tend to shy away from scenarios that require us to think on our feet; as Matthew Pollard writes in The edge of the introvert“Being spontaneous is like pulling teeth.” The call and response of a business conversation reduces the need for an introvert to make things up on the spot.
Let’s imagine that your job involves an introductory phone call. (I know, I know, everyone emails or texts. But if they don’t answer your email, you need to pick up the phone! Plus, you might introvert working in a call center – you never know!)
So grab a friend or colleague. Explain the situation (eg “I’m calling donor X who didn’t respond to my email”) and start with a simple scenario to get you comfortable with your pitch. Then do a more challenging scenario. For example, ask your partner to throw out an objection such as “I’ve been pretty busy lately” to try out different responses. (“What better time to schedule?”)
For example, if you’re acting out a scenario where you’re pitching to a potential customer, this opens the door to in-depth feedback. You can ask your colleague: “Which parts of my presentation were the most interesting?” “Where did he start pulling?” “What could I have done to make it better?”
If you can handle it, record the conversation and listen or watch it later. It sounds scary, but you learn a lot about body language and your speaking style when you watch yourself on video. (Or even by listening to yourself on a recording—and most cell phones these days have a recording feature.)
When I started as the gifts officer at Yale, back in the dinosaur days of landlines, I was sick of people calling me. I really hoped the secretary would answer so I just had to leave a message! (You know how we do introverts hate the phone anyway!)
So what did I do? I asked a colleague with sales experience to help me with the practice. We looked at the specifics of handling introductory phone calls, such as whether to use the person’s first name or official title. And I got my first appointment. And then one more. And much more. Maybe I still had a little lump in my stomach, but that’s okay. I had a system and it worked.
Do you ever struggle to know what to say?
Someone asks, “Why are you so quiet?” A co-worker corners me when you are exhausted. A friend strives to plan you don’t have the energy for it.
Later he thinks I wish I had said something.
I’ve been there too. That’s why I created it Confident introverted scripts.
That’s over 150 ready-to-use phrases time spent alone, protection of boundaries, energies, social life, etc. The guide is provided by feedback from therapists and introverted colleagues to make sure it really helps when your mind goes blank.
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Click here to purchase the guide.
3. Start with a goal in mind.
This is the second Stephen Covey’s The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Peopleand perfect for introverts who step into a mess. The key, as I discussed in a conversation reverses the schmoozethe be really specific about what you want to achieve in a conversation. If you’re a door-to-door salesperson, your goal may be crystal clear, but if you’re networking at a dinner party, things get blurry unless you plan ahead.
There is a lot of confusion how to make small talk it really goes somewhere, and introverts can feel like they’re being asked to pull a rabbit out of a hat. But it’s not magic. As a gift officer, my approach stemmed from the specific goals I had set. For example: Ask Sonia for a gift of $15,000. Other times, the goal was to prepare the way for a second conversation.
So break it down. Would you like to:
- Asking for money?
- Would you like to sell your service to someone? (Or a book at the bookseller job.)
- Want feedback on something like your website?
- If you are self-employedfind out if that person is willing to refer you to potential clients?
Before starting the conversation, define your specific goal and keep it in mind during the conversation.
4. Break the meeting(s) into manageable parts.
Now that you’ve developed a specific goal, it’s time to break down your script into specific stages to achieve it. When fundraising, I think of three stages of conversation: ice breaking, interestedand inspiring. Your own schmoozing scenario may have different components, but I’ll use mine as an example.
As the name suggests, a ice breaking phase, you can establish a relationship with a few questions or light comments. But what can I say? Generate small conversation topics in advance — try to come up with three topics:
- THE recurring theme (weather! traffic!)
- A theme special who you meet (art, restaurants, family)
- THE current event topic (so… what about the Knicks?)
When I travel to New York, for example, I’m ready to chat about my Amtrak trip, the person’s kids, family, or work (depending on what I know about them), and the big event in town (there’s always a game, dignitary, or UN meeting). That will fill the awkward silence.
THE examination section where you can discover how your product, service or idea can help them. This is the stage where you get to ask and listenwhich many introverts (including me) like to do. But before that, you need to ask a few questions. When I was on the road, I always started by asking alumni who was the dean when they attended. Almost everyone remembered their dean. A higher-up in your company can share big questions to get to know your constituents.
THE inspiring stage, you paint a picture of your product or service that is consistent with what you have just learned about your partner’s interests and needs. At this stage, you engage the person in what you have to offer and make the planned request. Maybe it’s, “I’d like to make an appointment to come back with an offer. Would that be okay?” Or it could be, “Would you like to check out my website and tell me what you think?”
5. Expect the unexpected – you can plan everything, but you can’t all it will go according to plan.
Expect the unexpected – and do whatever it takes! (I know – what Introverts don’t like the unexpected or change!) An old boss used to give this advice before every meeting. Once you’ve internalized it, it’s easier to handle an unexpected response from the person across the table. When the restaurant is very loud, instead of panicking, say to yourself, “Here it is – the unexpected” and consider moving tables or simply silencing the crowd. Because everything can be planned a tbut life can cross you I instead!
I spent nine years as a major gift-focused fundraiser. I brought a specific way of relating to people, as a thinking introvert. If you were to take a job that required “excellent people skills”, I know you would. 
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