You could start by doing some introspection before you reply to your mom’s messages. If you don’t feel like dealing with it at that moment, don’t. If that’s not enough to keep your energy up, maybe limit the number of texts you answer per day or week. You can always change it later by removing another point of contact, such as for unannounced visits, if you need more space (see step 5).
3. Decide how quietly you want to exit.
You don’t have to officially announce that you’re going low contact, but it might help if you call your mom.
If you’re not worried about her safety and your quiet abandonment tactics mean your mom needs to change her behavior, then it might make sense to formulate your plans. Additionally, explaining why you put them in place can help you sort out what was behind your decision to end the relationship.
That means if your low-contact version doesn’t require anything from your mom, you don’t have to tell her it’s happening, Goodman says. For example, you may withhold information about your life or avoid certain events without discussing them first.
Does that make you feel weird? I get it, but it’s worth thinking about: He’s probably told your mom many, many times about how he hurt you, says Goodman. Even if he didn’t specifically point out every single time he hurt your feelings, his body language and tone of voice likely showed how his actions affected you. You may be tired of retelling these painful events and want to avoid another confrontation with your mom. So consider this your permission not to.
Even so, your mom might notice that you’re pulling back and ask what’s going on. If so, you can tell him why you are not participating in your dating life or why you are not attending the family gathering. But you don’t have to. Feel free to make excuses or just say, “Yeah, you’re right, I don’t do that anymore.” You don’t owe him an explanation.
