Being sensitive to an introvert’s feelings—like sensing that they’ve been socialized enough—is just one way to make them feel valued.
If you know introverts, or are one yourself, you know a few things about them: they’re great listeners, they think things through instead of saying what first comes to mind, and they value alone time. But in what ways can you show them that you care about them and really “get” them?
If you’re not sure, I’ve come up with several ways to appreciate an introvert. Trust me, they will appreciate it if you see them… really to see them – a a world that often does not.
9 Ways to Make an Introvert Feel Appreciated
1. Give them enough time to talk.
I know – if you don’t know many introverts, maybe you don’t think we’re talkingbut we do… when we are passionate about something (and if not in front of many people). So when we open our mouths, please don’t rush us. We are excellent listeners and would appreciate this courtesy in return.
We know that many introverts think things through before they speak, so pausing for a moment doesn’t necessarily mean we’re done. A break can only mean that we are still processing our thoughts. And if anyone bothers us, they can really throws us off course. So before you get back into the conversation, wait a few minutes to make sure we’ve made our point.
2. Show them that you are paying attention to what they are saying.
After listening to your introverted friend speak, it would be amazing show them that you have been actively listening. Paraphrase some of the things they said. It shows that you’re really invested in what they’re saying, rather than just nodding and smiling (as many seem to do, not just with introverts, but in our fast-paced society). One of the best ways to show you care is to show us that you have our undivided attention—and that you’ve really taken in what we’ve said.
3. Enjoy quiet time with them when they need it.
For introverts, quiet time is recharged and become more productive as a result. So that means enjoying periods of silence. There is nothing awkward about this kind of silence – at least not for us. If you’re an extrovert hanging out with us and we want some alone time or quiet time, just know it’s not you, it’s us. And you’re welcome to join us while we sit quietly.
4. Warn them if you want them to ‘think out loud’.
Introverts like to process their thoughts before voicing them. So if you want them to “think out loud” and suddenly talk, you can drop them. It is common for us to have difficulty speakingso the more advance warning we have, the more prepared we can be. Otherwise, we might stumble over our words and seem ill-prepared (even though it all makes sense in our heads, I swear!).
5. Reach them through their most convenient means of communication. (Hint: not the phone.)
Unlike talking on the phone – which I think is 99.9 percent of the time introverts hate it! – most of us are “quiet”. texting is more convenient. Texting gives us a way to be responsible for when and how we respond. We can think about exactly what we want to say and figure out the best way. But the introvert(s) in your life prefer email. Whatever the case may be, try to contact them this way. (They will appreciate it!)
Do you ever struggle to know what to say?
Someone asks, “Why are you so quiet?” A co-worker corners me when you are exhausted. A friend strives to plan you don’t have the energy for it.
Later he thinks I wish I had said something.
I’ve been there too. That’s why I created it Confident introverted scripts.
That’s over 150 ready-to-use phrases time spent alone, protection of boundaries, energies, social life, etc. The guide is provided by feedback from therapists and introverted colleagues to make sure it really helps when your mind goes blank.
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Click here to purchase the guide.
6. The less eye contact you give them, the better.
In my opinion, it’s best to talk to an introvert when you’re walking or driving with us, because that way we make as little eye contact as possible. Not that we have a problem with eye contact, but it can make us feel like we’re being put on the spot. If we’re not looking directly at you, it might be easier to gather our thoughts and open up.
7. Be sensitive to their thoughts and feelings.
Show your introverted loved ones that you care about their thoughts and feelings. For example, let’s say you invite them to a night out – but it will be the dinner with people they don’t know. They refuse. Instead of making it difficult for them to leave, either just deal with it, or find out what they’d rather be doing—like meeting you in person at a coffee shop.
Similarly, if they do it you decide to go out to dinner and see that they are struggling to participate in the conversation, help them. Introduce them to people sitting near them or bring up topics you know they can talk about. And if you feel you are starting to get exhausted and he really wants to go homelet – no question. They did their best by showing up, and any of us can do that.
8. Give them plenty of alone time (and don’t make them feel awkward about it).
Just as you are aware that the introverts in your life sometimes like the quiet, it helps to understand that they need to be alonealso. Even if you’re an extrovert, you probably spend some time alone (and probably don’t even realize it). It helps recharge the soul—and when you and your introverted friend meet again, they’ll all be pumped to give you their undivided attention.
9. Show them that there is nothing embarrassing about them.
Along with the stereotypes about us introverts – how we like to be alone (all the time), or never speak – this is not surprising we are not always confident or confident. But that’s where it comes in: treat us like ordinary people, without judgment. Instead of focusing on how we’d rather stay in on Friday nights (or almost every night), look at all the strengths we bring to the friendship table—our ability to think things through, plan events (be it a to-do list or a detailed vacation), and actively listen to you (just to name a few). We will be the best friend you ever had. You’ll see. 
Introverts, what would you add to the list? Feel free to comment below!
